


Lost

by artemisfae



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Action & Romance, Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Suspense, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-04-08 19:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 33,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4317774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemisfae/pseuds/artemisfae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lizzington. Post Season 2 finale. Liz is taken, but Red believes her to be dead. This is a darker fic. Will eventually be rated M for violence and yeah, probably smut. Multi-chapter fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is DARK. There is angst and torture. There will eventually be fluff and smut, but we are a LONG ways away from that point. This is a multi-chapter Lizzington fic set post S2 finale. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Disclaimed as always. I own nothing and make no money.

Elizabeth Reddington had been deceased for three months now. Her headstone, a beautiful sculpture of an angel reaching seven feet high, bore testament to the depth of love her husband felt for her.

At first, his visits were two and three times daily, then weekly.

This visit would mark the first time he had been to visit his beloved in two and a half weeks.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit lately. I’ve had…business to take care of.” Red’s business consisted of hunting down her killers.

His guilt over her death haunted him every single second of the day, in between chasing leads and butting his head against the myriad of dead ends he’d encountered. He drank himself into a stupor every single evening, unable to bear living with her ghost.

Her presence was everywhere. From the dishtowels that had silly crabs on them that she’d insisted upon because they reminded her of their first time together, how a crab chased after her across the beach and she’d run screaming into his arms. To the cheery yellow she charmed Dembe into painting their spare bedroom because she’d sneakily been planning on using it for a nursery.

She’d never told Red that she’d wanted to try having a baby, but he knew her better than he knew himself. She couldn’t hide her longing sighs whenever they passed a baby.

But all of those dreams were gone, mist in the night, fated to disappear in the dawn.

She had been taken from him, and she had suffered.

She flew ahead to their island only because he had a meeting to attend that he wanted her to have nothing to do with.

When the helicopter was gunned down, she was only identifiable by her wedding bands, her body so charred that her bones crumbled to dust when they attempted to recover her body.

How she must have suffered in that fire.

His own scars ached whenever he thought of the pain she must have felt.

The hot tears that tracked down his face were so common lately that Dembe just put his arm around him and told him to let him know when he needed to get sick.

“Raymond, we will find out who is responsible and we will kill them all.” Dembe’s words were angry, his body vibrated with fury. Dembe loved Elizabeth like a sibling. Whenever Red had to leave town, he knew that Dembe worried over her just as much as he did.

He mourned for Dembe who had known too much loss in his life.

Red wished that he could feel angry. But all he felt was broken. As if he had a gaping wound in his chest that just wouldn’t heal, his breath constantly sucked out through the hole. The pain still caused him to gasp for breath over three months later.

But he knows that is exactly how one feels after having their heart ripped out of their chest.

He knew that whatever fates existed in the universe were making him pay for every single misdeed he’d ever committed. To lose his reason for existing, not once, but twice in his lifetime was a mark upon his soul.

When he finally found the bastards responsible he would finally be able to put his soul to rest. He didn’t presume that he’d ever be allowed to remain with her in whatever afterlife did or did not exist, but hope was a plague, tainting him with the knowledge that any hope of being with his love was no longer in this life, but the next.

 

*****

Dembe drove him back to their home from where her grave sat looking over a cliff at the ocean’s edge.

She loved this island and he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave it, no matter the danger it put him in. To hell with his adversaries, the cabal. They could go fuck themselves.

He made his way into the library where a plentiful supply of liquor was always stocked. More so now that he needed to drink to keep the demons at bay.

He sat down unceremoniously in an overstuffed leather chair, his ever present bottle of scotch in his hand when he noticed a large manila envelope in the coffee table in front of him.

He may be an absolute drunkard most of the time, but he knew that the envelope hadn’t been there when they left.

His hands shook as he picked it up. So much that he dropped it to the floor. The contents spilled out onto the carpet.

He scrambled down on his knees to get a closer look, cursing the fact that he broke his reading glasses in a rage weeks ago.

Topographical maps, flight plans, US government documents and more were spread out in front of him.

However, it was the one, lone picture as the very back that made him sob.

_“Dembe!!”_

**Tbc…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red seeks answers and meets with Mr. Kaplan to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos and kind words! I worked all day yesterday (usually when I write) and had such an amazing streak that I finished seven more chapters! I may even finish with it this weekend=super regular updates for you guys. I know I need to update Sightless, which will also come today, so stay tuned:)
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual. I own nothing. Make no money off of this.

Red’s hands shook as he crushed the photo to his chest. Dembe rushed into the room and asked him what was wrong, but his brain was still attempting to protect itself from the onslaught of pain and sorrow.

He’d gone months, feeling sorry for himself while his wife was held by some jungle drug lord. No one else could have her. The Columbian jungle wasn’t exactly a bustling metropolis. There’s only one thing that goes on there besides mass deforestation. Drug cartels have run that area for decades.

His pulse raced so fast he felt light-headed. Like the night before when he’d obliterated all thoughts in the bottom of a bottle. The only difference was that now he was stone cold sober.

He couldn’t help the glimmer of hope that was battling its way through the last months of grief.

Dembe was going through the papers furiously since he had yet to answer what was wrong. “Raymond, you have to think. What if this is a trap? It’s been too long. There was no benefit to be had in waiting to inform you. Even if they were meant to torture you, they would have sent this sooner rather than stage her death. This is most certainly been fabricated to bring you out to the middle of nowhere and settle a score.”

Dembe’s assumption was a logical one. Since Lizzie’s death, he’d all but dropped off the face of the earth.

Red gathered all of the papers and stood. He dropped them on the pool table across the room and motioned for Dembe to hand him the phone.

He dialed and a voice he hadn’t heard for month’s answered, but snapped to attention as if he’d just made contact yesterday “Assemble everyone. I need every single available man in on this. We’ll meet in six hours, in Havana. There’s been a development”

Mr. Kaplan’s voice was as soft as he’d ever heard it when she replied “Absolutely, dearie. I’ll see you then.”

Dembe tried to protest again “Raymond, that picture is most likely not even her.”

He brushed the moisture out of his eyes to clear his vision. The picture stared back at him, mocking him. The woman in the picture was undoubtedly his Lizzie. She was thinner, haunted. Her hair was shorter, choppy and unevenly cut. Her eyes though. Her eyes were the only unrecognizable feature on her beautiful face.

Her eyes were dead, dull and lifeless. And that more than anything caused his vision to blur all over again.

 

*****

 

Mr. Kaplan and her team had all assembled in Havana at precisely the time he ordered. They had set up a war room of sorts and all of the evidence he’d been given was displayed. Satellite imagery, GPS coordinates, all of it hung on the wall next to a map of Colombia.

When Mr. Kaplan first looked at the evidence, she immediately looked to him with sad, understanding eyes. He hated that look. It was the same with Dembe. It was a tiny sliver off from patting him on the head and finding him a strait jacket.

“It does look similar to Elizabeth, but the photo is far too grainy to be sure. There are too many differences to be sure.” Mr. Kaplan stated matter-of-factly. He could tell that she was trying not to give him any more hope, to lessen his inevitable disappointment.

His chest felt so tight he could barely breathe “It _is_ her, Kate. I went through all of this. I have been doing nothing else for the last seven hours. If this is a trap, so be it. I cannot ignore this and pretend that she might not be alive…that she hasn’t been held in some hole for over three months.” He turned away as his voice nearly broke.

A soft hand touched his shoulder “You are, understandably, too close to this. Let my team take care of this. They will go in and get her without incident while we wait across the border in Guatemala. You have no friends in Columbia.”

He knew she was correct, at least with the last part. His last trip to Colombia ended with him shooting the leader of the largest drug cartel in the country. “The man was a blight upon humanity, I did them a favor.”

“He did bring running water to every small town in the country, earning their loyalty.” Kate sighed.

“In exchange for all of their virginal teen daughters. Don’t play Devil’s Advocate, Kate, it doesn’t suit you. I know you are trying to distract me and a part of me thanks you for it. You may think that I can’t keep a clear head, I assure you that in fact the opposite is true. There is no one more vested in making sure this goes down smoothly. I am done explaining myself, we leave at dawn.”

“Raymond, I need forty-eight hours minimum to plan this operation. We need snipers in place, a preemptive team on the ground. I see your objections, but there is only one way to do this. We need to start with real time Satellite photos. We need to be sure it’s her. I won’t let you go in blind.”

Red sighed, once again he knew she was right. He was unsure how he was going to last two hours, let alone two days. “Fine. You win. You need to make sure that we have enough fire power to level that place.”

Mr. Kaplan looked at him as if he were a child trying to let off too many fireworks “Our advantage will lie in stealth. If we make too much of a racket, the government may get involved. We can’t start a war with Columbia, Raymond.”

Deadpan he stated “Why not?”

He turned away from the group and effectively dismissed them all to get ready for the coming mission. He knew that he needed to get some rest himself, but his gaze was inevitably drawn to her picture.

Lizzie. His wife. His love.  

He would gladly start a war for her.

 

**Tbc...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red assembles a team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimed as always.

The next two days were the most horrible he’d had in decades. He passed endlessly, too agitated to eat, to sleep. He snacked on a power bar here and there, but anything else was too heavy and made him feel as if he may vomit.

It was all too easy to dwell on all of the horrific things that she may have been through.

So instead he chose to focus on the good parts. There were so many to choose from.

When she had leaned in to kiss him one night while in the middle of watching old VHS tapes that she found in a shed at their safe house. How she had slept in his arms because she told him he drove away her nightmares. Her wedding gown of lace and silk.

He knew they moved fast, but time was relative. They’d been on a journey towards their joining since the day they officially met.

It only took weeks on the run for Lizzie to start seducing him. He’d vowed to never touch her, to only provide her with protection and occasional advice.

He tried for days to keep his hands to himself. But in the end, her tears and a plea of ‘Don’t you love me?’ made him forget his vow and kiss her senseless.

Sleeping with her was something he’d never even contemplated, but he’d never known a greater pleasure.

She was his second chance. He cherished her every second they spent together. Loving her was the best and easiest thing he’d ever done in so long he knew he should thank his lucky stars.

Although he knew deep within himself that it was too good to be true. His happiness was never meant to be. That’s why he’d so readily believed her death. It was his helicopter that crashed. Two males and one female dead on impact, or so the coroner’s report stated.

Her bent, burned, and mangled wedding rings among the ashes of the female’s remains. The bodies of the pilot and her private security were positively identified via dental records. Lizzie was sitting in the back of the helicopter near the fuel tank so it would only be logical that the fire burned more intensely where she was.

So consumed in grief, he’d never thought to look deeper into the possibility that it was a ruse. Business had been going strong. No more players than usual wanted his head on a platter. The peace in his world had made him complacent.

It was a mistake that he would never make again.

 

*****

 

When Dembe walked into the room he froze “You have news.” It was a statement. He knew already because of how out of sorts Dembe looked.

“I have more pictures.”

Red swallowed audibly “Has it been confirmed?”

Dembe broke eye contact to swallow and look at the ceiling in concentration. Red knew he was holding back tears “I believe so. The pictures are all low quality, but the woman, she is not there by choice. Our team in place in Columbia spoke with a soldier in the village and said she’s only been there for a little over a two months.”

That made Red frown “The timeline is wrong.”

“Even if the woman is not…her, we need to go in and get her. The informant said that she had been drugged for weeks and has had little to no nourishment.”

Dembe had such a pure heart. Even if the woman weren’t Lizzie, he would feel the need to help her.

Red’s frown deepened “I was not suggesting that we not go. I am merely wondering where she’s been for the remainder of the time.”

Dembe finally proffered the envelope containing the updated photos.

Red’s hands were shaking. He tried to breathe deep, but there was no calming his racing heart.

The pictures told a story that made the bile rise in his throat.

 

*In the middle of a village was a tiny cage. To call it a hut would be a lie.

*A man standing alone with a gun, guarding it.

*Another man approaching with a canteen.

*The man with the canteen crouching down, pulling a chain.

_Oh god, no._ The next photo made his heart stutter.

*A woman crawling out on all fours, pulled by the chain like a dog.

*Canteen man kicking the woman and throwing the drink at her.

*The woman crawling back into the hut.

 

Red wanted to rage and scream. He took a deep breath, wiped the wetness from his eyes. He looked at the photos again, tried to remain objective. The woman, was most definitely mistreated. She was so painfully thin, her bones protruded.

Her hair was shorter in a choppy chin-length bob. He doubted it was cut out of kindness.

None of the pictures showed her face in detail, but the curve of her back, the set of her shoulders told him more than any facial photo would. He’d been staring at that body for years.

He wouldn’t leave her there for a second longer than necessary “No more waiting. We are leaving. Call Kate and tell her that we are going in no matter what.

 

*****

 

The woman rocked back and forth, huddled in the corner of her cage.

_Her medicine. Where were they?_

She needed it. It had been too long and she needed it. She needed to see him again.

It was so hard to remember. _Lizzie. My name is Lizzie._

No one has spoken to her in weeks.

She was mindless in her grief.

_He’s dead. He can’t save me._

She should have screamed, fought.

But the truth was that she didn’t want to. She no longer wanted to exist in a world without Raymond Reddington in it.

So they came with the syringe, always the syringe. When the syringe was empty was the only time she found peace.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The series of events that led to Liz's capture. Some Liz whump! Beware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this one is a little darker, still lots of angst. Liz is mistreated pretty badly, but there’s no hint or mention of non/con. Rated M for Liz whump! Thank you for being so awesome and for all of your support. 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

**_Three months prior_ **

 

“I don’t want to go shopping. We can do that another time. I have plenty of lingerie. I’ll just take a long nice bath, touch myself and think of you.”

Red’s groan on the other end of the phone had her grinning like a Cheshire cat. She lived for teasing him. It kept him on his toes.

_“Never mind. I’ll be home in two hours.”_

She laughed “Red. No, you’ll just have to take care of it later. Get it over with and come home to me. I’ll be there, waiting and naked, I promise.”

_He sighed “I hate leaving you alone. I just don’t want you near…this. I love you, sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

“Love you too. I’ll miss you. Laters.” She never said goodbye. It was a habit she’d started with him after he’s taken her out of the country. She’d been so anxious, so worried that every time he walked out of the door would be the last time she saw him. So she refused to say goodbye. As if nothing could happen as long as they were missing those words.

Truthfully, she was glad for the reprieve. She needed to go to the doctor. She’d had terrible cramps lately and it was getting harder and harder to hide from Red. She knew something was wrong, but didn’t want Red hovering over her, terrifying the physician.

And he would. He was like a junkyard dog with a bone when it came to her and her well-being.

And she couldn’t possibly love him more for it.

Tomorrow was their five month anniversary. She wanted an answer because she planned on making the most of their day alone together. Her breathe hitched just thinking about it.

He hadn’t wanted to marry her, but she wore him down. She already knew that he loved her.

His reticence came not from loving her, but from loving her too much to tie her to a criminal. So she just politely reminded him that she too was a criminal, so they were perfect for each other. It hadn’t hurt that she was naked while she said it.

Once his formidable wall of control had begun to crack, it didn’t take long at all for him to come around to her thinking.

She thought she knew what marriage was. Nothing could have prepared her for marriage to Raymond Reddington. A bottomless well of pleasure and love, more that she bargained for, but everything she wanted, needed. He was an extraordinary man and every day she loved him more than the last.

She made her security team stop at the local clinic and although Mark put up a protest, he knew who was ultimately in charge. He was a nice man, but a little stuffy. She’d be stuffy too though if her boss would make you disappear should she fail.

It didn’t take but a few minutes for her to finish her appointment and leave with a prescription.

She was overly complacent, distracted as they stopped at the pharmacy to drop off her script. They didn’t need to wait because she had enough samples to last her through the end of the week.

They drove in silence, as usual, to the helipad. Mark opened her door for her, but stiffened and tried to shove her back into the SUV. “What the hell, Mark?!”

But he didn’t answer, he fell silently to the ground, her driver meeting the same fate as he tried to help. There was no blood. She scrambled to help Mark, to pull him in when she noticed the dart in his neck.

She dove for the vehicle, knew that the bullet proof glass would buy her time. Her attempt was fruitless because her driver had left his door open. She couldn’t get to the door in time.

The vehicle was surrounded. One of the men pushed the button to release the lock from the front. She held her door closed, but the door on the opposite side was opened, a gun shoved inside. She felt a sting in her arm and then nothing. Her blackout was instant.

 

*****

 

She jerked awake with a gasp. She was tied. She had no idea where they were or how long she’d been out. The oppressive humidity led her to believe the rainforest, but she honest to god thought that she saw smoke coming out of a mountain, which pointed to volcano territory. So she guessed South America on the Pacific coast, or near it.

A lot of good that information would be. Those two factors covered thousands of miles.

Her captors spoke either Spanish or Portuguese, she wasn’t really sure which.

The only information she had been able to figure out was that she hadn’t been taken to turn into the authorities for the reward. She heard ‘Reddington’ twice so at least she knew that there was hope.

Because she knew without a shadow of a doubt he would come for her. And when he did, he would raze this third world hell-hole to the ground. No one would be safe from his wrath.

Her first night there she had learned that although they never spoke English to her, they certainly understood it.

When she was presented to the leader, she could have been a bit more tactful than telling him that when her husband came for her they would be dead and she would skull-fuck his corpse.

Red always told her that her smart mouth would get her spanked. Unfortunately, it earned her a beating of the likes she’d never felt before.

She was pretty sure that she had a few broken ribs, her left eye was swollen shut, and the pinkie of her right hand was broken in a particularly brutal kick that she tried to block.

Lesson learned. She wouldn’t speak again.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, please!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz in captivity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another chapter from Liz’s point of view. It’s not pretty. Warning Liz whump! Ahead. Lots of it. You should probably skip it. This is a description of the rest of her days in captivity.
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual.

As the days went by, the fed her, took her regularly to the outhouse, but generally paid no attention to her.

There was no tension of waiting for someone to come for her. So she wasn’t to be ransomed. They gave her the bare minimum of care to keep her alive. She was just being held. It had to be for a purpose, someone was the brains and it sure as shit wasn’t any of the men here.

Her shack was a tiny, four by four hut with a doggie door. She would have been pissed, but it meant that it was too small for any middle of the night visitors to come a knocking.

She started counting the days by spitting into the ground to make mud and draw tally marks on the wall.

Her heart hurt to think of the guilt Red was feeling at her capture. He would absolutely blame himself.  

She was just as much to blame. She could have done as he’d suggested and gone shopping in the nearest city with Dembe while he finished up his meeting, but she insisted on going home.

 

*****

 

She’d been in her hut for a week and a half when she heard gun shots in the distance.

She was so grubby and dirty, unrecognizable in her filth, but at the sound of gunfire, she smiled for the very first time.

She had begun to lose hope. Red should have been here already. Unless something had happened to him, but it wouldn’t make sense to keep her alive if there was no one available to pay or blackmail or whatever the hell they were trying to achieve.

Men were shouting, and the gunfire grew closer until it ended in a crescendo of hellfire around their tiny village.

She could hear movement outside, but still no one came for her.

Until the door was torn off her hut and a hand grabbed inside to drag her out into the daylight. She looked up into the barrel of a machine gun, an old one most likely from the eighties.

“Help me. I am a prisoner.” She hoped they spoke English.

“Name” She sighed in relief that at least some one might be able to tell her what the hell was going on.

“My name is Elizabeth Reddington. Raymond Reddington is my husband.” Her chin rose with pride at her name, who it tied her to.

His demeanor immediately changed, became more menacing, if that was possible, and she realized maybe she should have let herself remain anonymous.

“Raymond Reddington’s puta!” He nodded to someone beside her. She tried to look to see who he gestured for, but was immediately hit over the head with the butt of his gun.

 

*****

 

She’d been beaten, starved, and most recently stuck in what they called the ‘hot box’.

It was tiny, like a cage, but all metal, with only a few tiny holes for ventilation. It was kept in the middle of their only slightly larger village so that everyone could keep an eye on her. The sun baked her nearly alive every single day and she constantly felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Terror that she would suffocate made her desperate to escape.

She’d proven to be a flight risk more than once. Which ended her up in the hot box more often than not.

 

*****

 

She jumped as shots were fired near her cage. She checked herself, relieved that they didn’t penetrate and hit her. Whomever fired their weapon was close. She heard the sound of the body hitting the ground. It was too close.

They forced her from her cell and she tried to look around, brush the dirt and hair from her eyes.

A man was being hauled off. Short-trimmed hair, suit clad body, fedora on the ground. _Fuck. RED! NO!_ She tried to hold in her sobs, but the tears flowed like a river after the rain.

An older man approached her. He was trim and fit, but his weathered skin gave away his age. “I did my research, _puta._ I should just turn your FBI ass in for the reward. But I know you. And I’m going to make you suffer. You and Reddington have been in it together from the very beginning. You both had my son killed. And I couldn’t believe my luck when I found out the rumors were true. That you were in my country, ripe for revenge. So I’m going to make you suffer. You will live out what little time you have left with the knowledge that because you took my flesh and blood, I took your love away from you. Reddington tried to sneak in to save you so I put him down like the piece of _cagada_ he was.”

She flew at him, she didn’t care if he killed her. In that moment she almost welcomed it. “If we killed him, he had it coming you bastard!”  

“Victor was a good son! A father!” he screamed in her face as he pushed her to the ground.

_Victor? Oh. Victor Lorca._

She laughed, hysteria creeping in to the edges of her mind. So Red really didn’t let him get away.

She didn’t fight as they threw her back to her cage. There was no hope for her now.

 

*****

 

There was no dirt to keep count of her days here. But it didn’t really matter, no one was coming for her.

She was unsure of how much longer she would make it, her treatment was getting steadily worse.

They’d been giving her less and less food and water. Weight was dropping off of her, leaving her alarmingly slim. She knew she needed to stay strong, but couldn’t bring herself to care all that much anymore. Sometimes she’d wonder at what irreversible damage they were doing to her already compromised body.

When the weight came off and the days flashed by, her condition was becoming more and more noticeable by the day.

In a constant state of panic, she’d become more combative. As a result, they’d begun drugging her. The sedative was actually pleasant. It made her feel like she could reach out and touch Red, be with him again.

It didn’t take long for her to purposefully act out so that they would drug her. And that was how she stayed, tied up like a dog, perpetually drugged.

She wanted to be with Red all of time.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The rescue. It’s pretty intense. Violence galore. Action packed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimed, as usual. I own nothing and make no money.

Oh god. She was going to die. She needed her medicine.

Despite the heat and humidity, her body felt cold. She shook uncontrollably.

_My name is Lizzie. My name is Lizzie._

Pain and nausea twisted her stomach. She breathed deep, tried to focus her thoughts.

She could barely see him anymore. She needed her medicine!

Her chest burned as she rocked in her corner.

 

A huge explosion echoed like a thousand thunderclaps. Shook her cage as she fell over flat to the ground.

The lock on her cage shook. A gunshot.

The door flew open and sunlight blinded her. She jerked her head to shield her eyes.

When she looked back, a man stood in the doorway. He was huge and terrifying. His gun drawn on her, he swept her tiny space, but then focused his attention fully on her.

He was going to kill her. They day they had been taunting her with had finally come. But she was wrong. She wasn’t ready. She had a reason to live.

She whimpered and wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

“Elizabeth, we’ve come to help you. Everything’s going to be alright now.” She flinched. They had never spoke her name.

The man turned his head to speak into the radio on her shoulder “I have her. We’ll need cover.”

He turned and stepped towards her. She threw her hands over her head and made herself as small as she could.

He swore, but stopped. He turned and looked out of the door, his profile was illuminated by sunlight and smoke.

Seconds later, a man shoved him out of the way a gun cradled in his arms in full combat gear. He ripped his helmet off.

She knew she was hallucinating. Maybe she was already dead.

“Lizzie. It’s me. I’ve come to take you home.” He was an angel and he came for her.

Her teeth began to chatter. The pain that had ceased with her fear came crashing back. She needed her medicine.

“I need my medicine. Please.”

Her angel frowned, took her arm gently in his hand and hissed when he turned it over.

She yanked her arm away and shrank back to the wall.

His eyes closed “ _Fuck_ ”

The man at the door spoke “We need to move, we’re taking fire and the entire jungle is burning. The helicopter is still a mile out. We don’t have time.”

Her angel stood and pulled her up in with him.

Her head turned from one to the other. _Where were they taking her?_

“Trust me, baby. We’re going to get you out of here. No one is going to hurt you, I swear it.” She had no time to answer before he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. He fumbled with his rifle for a moment with his free hand and motioned for the tall, chocolate skinned man to lead the way.

The ground shook beneath her and bile rose in her throat. Fire and smoke was everywhere. All around them.

Suddenly, she was thrown to the ground and pain exploded in her head. She landed on her side, though. She didn’t understand what was happening.

Hands gripped her around the waist. She fought and kicked her attacker “Shh. Elizabeth. I’m going to take you now.” The darker man helped her angel to his feet. He was hurt, she could see blood covering his leg. Her angel spoke into his shoulder now “Where the hell is our cover?”

_Dembe. His name was Dembe._ She remembered him. He rose above her to pick her up and froze, his face a mask of horror.

Instead of a fireman’s carry, he cradled her in front of him like a baby, leaving him helpless. He was unable to carry his gun to protect them. “Come on Raymond. We have to run. It’s not too much farther.”

 

*****

 

His mind was entirely focused on his objective; getting Lizzie out of here. All of the horrible revelations could wait. He watched Dembe pick her up “You’ll be less tired and can fire your weapon if you put her over your shoulder.”

Dembe shook his head emphatically “I’m fine, you can still walk, right?”

He’d taken a bullet to his calf, but it was just a graze.

He took a few steps, but turned back toward a tree when bullets riddled the forest floor around him.

Dembe turned, looked at him “I’m fine! Take care of her.”

 

Dembe took a few more steps into the coverage the trees provided. He looked at Elizabeth. He couldn’t leave Raymond here to die. “Can you walk?” She looked up into his eyes. At least she seemed lucid enough for that. “I need you to go. Mr. Kaplan is right through those trees in the clearing. I need to help Raymond.”

She frowned in confusion. He tried to make her understand so he barked “Go! Run through those trees. It’s just a few steps to Kate. Now, run!” She turned and sprinted off like a doe in the direction he told her to.

He crouched down, raised his weapon, and fired a barrage of bullets into forest beside them to make himself a target so Elizabeth could get away. Raymond needs her to live through this.

 

******

 

She looked back just as he rose himself from the ground to watch her retreat.

Fire seared his scalp, and the unmistakable scent of blood and seared flesh assaulted his senses. Lizzie stared at him in horror at the same time he felt the warm slide of blood down the side of his face and neck.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rescue continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult. The parts from Liz’s point of view are purposefully confusing. She is fighting withdrawal and terrified so her train of thought is muddled at best. I hope that I conveyed that in a way that isn’t too strange. Thank you so much for being so amazing. You support is what keeps me motivated. 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always. I own nothing and make no money.

Red reached up and felt the side of his head. It came away stained with blood. He was still conscious, so it obviously wasn’t serious.

He waited until Lizzie faded into the greenery and then turned to find Dembe.

He crawled to him, despite Dembe looking at him like he’d lost his mind “Save it. I’m not leaving you.”

“You should be taking care of your wife instead of babysitting me. Where are the rest of the explosives?”

An explosion rocked the ground. Both men covered their heads as debris rained down around them.

Red grinned “Right there, I’d say.”

Another boom, this one further off allowed them to take advantage of the chaos and follow Lizzie into the forest.

Red radioed Mr. Kaplan “Kate! Look for Lizzie, she’s coming your way. Make sure she gets to the chopper. We aren’t far behind. Over.”

“Raymond, your head! You’re bleeding like a stuck pig.” Dembe had finally gotten a good look at him and wore the same look of horror that Lizzie had.

Red frowned and reached up to makes sure his ear was still attached “Its fine. We don’t have time to worry about anything less than a missing limb. And then, just pick the damn thing up so I can have it sewn back on.”

Red lurched into the direction of the chopper. When they reached it, there was no sign of Lizzie. He was losing too much blood to be of much further use.

All he had to do was look at Dembe who said “I’ll bring her back to you.”

 

******

 

Dembe had come for her. Dembe and her guardian angel, the one that she feared was a figment of her imagination, had saved her.

Only she didn’t feel saved. She was terrified out of her mind and everywhere she looked, there was only jungle. She was hopelessly lost and alone.

Alone. Not held captive.

She was free.

She fell to the ground, cried out when her stomach revolted and a dry heaves racked her small frame.

In the distance she heard movement and froze. Were they coming for her? She was tempted to let them take her so that she could get her medicine.

Angry tears filled her eyes at her weakness. No, she’d never go back. She’d die first. Her angel had been shot trying to rescue her. Just the thought of it made her stomach heave again.

She had to escape. The jungle scared her, but staying frightened her more.

So she ran. Pain and far were overwhelming her. Her skin itched. It took every ounce of determination not to stop and claw at her flesh.

She had no idea where she was going. Fatigue made her eyelids impossibly heavy. She squealed when she ran through a particularly dense spider web.

Someone shouted behind her. She dove into the dense foliage and backed into a tree. Her muscles quivered and her skin rippled. She wanted to wipe at the millions of insects crawling over her skin. She forced her eyes to stay open so her mind could see that she was imagining things.

Her eyes slowly scanned the area from her hiding spot. And then she saw him.

He looked so impossibly huge and menacing with his machine gun. Mean.

Should she show herself? Would he take her back to her cage now that her angel was dead? Would he help her or try to get rid of her?

At first she thought she was seeing things, but her second look told her that another man was moving into the area.

No matter how afraid of Dembe she was, she knew that this man was much worse.

She hated taking the chance. With her angel gone, Dembe might not care what happened to her, might not want to take care of her.

Fear nearly paralyzed her, but she shouted to warn him anyway “Dembe, behind you!”

He dropped to the ground, twisted, and shot the man between the eyes.

She had no idea if more men were coming, but she couldn’t let them take her back. She crawled deeper into the brush and ran in the opposite direction.

Until she ran right into another man. A stranger. He carried a gun and was covered in camouflage paint. He had a grey ponytail and kind eyes. But that didn’t mean she could trust him.

Her breath huffed in and out in a panic.

There was movement behind her “Stand down. I’ve got her.” He turned to look at her. “Come, Elizabeth, please. I’m going to take you back to Raymond.”

Tears sprung to her eyes. She was wrong. This man couldn’t be trusted. Her angel was dead.

A memory flashed: She watched as the man with the grey pony tail stormed into a building. He was leading a team. He tried to save Red. His team’s second objective was to keep her safe. Mr. Kaplan. She remembered and took a step towards him and away form Dembe.

“You coming with me Miss? I thought you might like to stay with Dembe.”

She shook her head vehemently “I can’t. He lied.”

Dembe stepped up to her, she stepped back and pressed closer to Mr. Kaplan’s soldier “You lied. You said you’d take me to him but you can’t. He’s dead!”

Dembe frowned “Why would you think he’s dead, he’s fine. I swear it. I will take you to him.”

Tears overflowed “He’s dead. They killed him…I saw him…They drug him away. I saw the blood.” Her memories were so muddled and confused.

She had no idea what to believe.

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dembe gets Liz to Red, but makes a startling discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support. You guys are the best :) 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

Dembe held out his hand “I can take you to him right now, but we need to hurry.”

Fear made her tremble “Please don’t let them take me back” she whispered.

His face hardened, he stepped close and cupped her face, his touch gentle though she flinched “You may not remember everything. But I swear to you on everything that I hold dear, I will never let them have you. Never again. I’m going to get you home where you belong. Do you understand?”

He gestured to her that he was going to pick her up. She nodded.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember everything.” As he carried her through the forest, her fatigue settled in.

With that miniscule level of relaxation, he skin started to crawl again “Please, I need my medicine. I’m going to die without it”

His face was full of sorrow “You aren’t going to die. I’d never let that happen. You need to fight it. Don’t let them win.”

She started to fidget. Her restless movements caused him to stumble and nearly drop her.

She heard him say “Sedative” over her head, felt the prick of a needle a moment later, and then blissful darkness enveloped her.

 

*****

Red sat up in the helicopter after Dembe had radioed to them that he had her.

His eyes squinted as he watched the trees for any sign of Dembe or Lizzie. Mr. Kaplan kept trying to push him back into a prone position. “What are you doing? Leave me the hell alone, Kate.”

And then he saw them. Dembe held her cradled in his arms, her head flopped over his forearm, unconscious, maybe worse. His breath caught. His adrenaline spiked at the thought of having her in his arms again. He crawled out of the chopper to meet them in the small clearing.

He ignored Mr. Kaplan’s shouted protests and limped over to them. Arms extended he moved to take her but Dembe didn’t hand her over like he should have. Red spoke to him, but never took his eyes off of Lizzie, his voice however was hoarse with emotion “Please Dembe, I wouldn’t risk dropping her.”

Once he had her in his arms, he asked “Is she hurt? What happened?” His eyes roved over her still form, but could see no additional injuries, no blood.

He settled into his seat with her in his lap, his leg ached, made it hard to concentrate on Dembe’s words. “We had to sedate her, she thought you were dead. Thought I was lying about taking her to you.”

Red held her tightly, his knuckles white. He started to shake as reaction set in. He could hardly believe it.

She was here. He had no idea why she was held and no idea what was done to her. He only knew that he would never take another day with her for granted. He would do everything in his power to make her safe.

Mr. Kaplan grabbed her arm to start an IV. She hissed “Bastards” But swiftly started the intravenous line. The aircraft lifted off the ground as Mr. Kaplan took a moment to grab her radio and yell over the sound “We’re off the ground. Burn them.”

As they reached the treetops, great billows of smoke and fire followed their ascent into the sky.

She turned back to Red and Liz, took her arm with a little more care “Raymond, we have no idea the shape she’s in. We need to get her to a hospital. I know that you wanted to make it to the island, but I don’t know if that is feasible at this point. I’m just going to start fluids and nutrients for now.”

Red just nodded his head. It’s the only response he could formulate at the moment. His jaw was clenched tight to keep his teeth from chattering. He needed to scream and cry.

One only needed to look at the myriad of track marks on her arm to know that those monsters had drugged her repeatedly. They needed to have tests performed to tell them exactly what so that they could help her.

They would get through whatever the future held for them. He hated leaving without answers to the how and whys of the situation. He probably should have left someone alive to question, but his wrath was too great. His men were ordered to level the village. If they were in a mile radius of the epicenter, they were dead, it was that simple.

Dembe was watching them with tears in his eyes. Red knew his question was in his eyes but Dembe just shook his head. He knew that Dembe wanted to say something, and badly.

“What?” He could only get the one word out. Even that one syllable was difficult.

A tear caught the light as it trickled down Dembe's cheek. Whatever it was, Red tensed, ready for the worst.

“Raymond, she’s pregnant.”

 

**Tbc….**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red has a talk with the physician.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of angst. Lots of it. Thank you for all of your feedback. You guys rock.
> 
> Disclaimed, I own nothing. Make no money.

It took a moment for Red to process Dembe’s words.

His hands were locked together around her, but he carefully untangled his digits to put his hand on Lizzie’s abdomen.

Sure enough, there was a hardness there that was incongruous with her frail body. He looked out into the distance and strained to remember the fuzzy detailed facts of impending father-hood. How long did it take for a woman to show?

Although she wasn’t actually showing. If she weren’t so thin, he would have never been able to tell. His head fell back against the seat. Tears leaked from beneath his lashes. No matter what, Lizzie was back and they would face this together.

There was no way to tell without further testing. As much as he was loathe to admit it, Mr. Kaplan was right. A hospital would be their first stop. Thankfully, he had one that was reliable and accessible in the Dominican Republic. They would be there in just a few short hours.

Would the baby be alright? He could only hope that the injections she’d been given weren’t threatening to the baby. But he wouldn’t hold his breath. Those men were the scum of the earth, they certainly weren’t concerned with taking proper care of their prisoner.

His gut burned to think of what she’d been through if she was less than three months along. His tears continued to silently fall as he thought of how much he’d failed her.

She didn’t need his emotions on top of her own. He would make sure that all she would see from him was kindness and compassion. He would prove to her that all he cared about was that she and their child were safe.

 

*****

 

They flew to a small, private hospital.

Red hated to leave Lizzie’s side, but the physician, a tiny no nonsense woman, would hear nothing of it and threatened to sedate him.

When she finished with Lizzie’s initial exam, she stitched him up, bandaged his wounds and discharged him so that he could go to Lizzie’s room. Although he would have went, discharge or not.

She’d been placed on an intense vitamin regiment to replenish those that she was dangerously low on, more fluids to combat her dehydration, and a fetal monitor that enraptured Red with the sound of their baby’s swishing heartbeat.

He was worried that it might be too fast, but she assured him that was normal. It had been so long since he’d had to know these things.

The drill sergeant, Dr. Fielden, followed him in with a chart, not letting him sit down before trying to get him out of the room again. His sigh was pure frustration, but he needed to know exactly what was done to her. He just wanted to hold her for a moment, so he placed a kiss to her forehead and smoothed the hair away from her face before turning to leave.

“Now that you are both triaged, I’d like to give you a rundown of your wife’s status. Let’s go to my office” It wasn’t a request, so he nodded to Dembe who knew that he was expected to stay with Lizzie.

He hadn’t even shut the door fully before Dr. Fielden spoke ”I’m not going to sugarcoat it. She’s malnourished to the extreme, her muscles have begun to atrophy. Both of those things are easily fixed with time and proper care. The evidence of drug use-“

He ground his teeth “She was forced. She would never choose to use drugs, especially while pregnant.”

Her smile was small but compassionate “I know you are worried, but all of the tests are showing that she’s just had sedatives in her system. No illicit drugs were detected. I took a hair follicle to be sure and she is clean. However, signs of withdrawal are evident, even in her sleep. The internal exam showed no recent sexual trauma. That doesn't mean that your battle with addiction is over though. I also took the liberty of performing an ultrasound. The fetus is small, but healthy. The female body is a wondrous thing and is equipped to protect the fetus at all costs. It could also be another factor for her malnutrition. Her body had to work overtime to make sure that it stayed healthy.”

She continued to speak, but Red could not hear her. The baby was healthy and Lizzie would soon be as well. He wanted to shout.

To sink to his knees and thank the doctor for being thoughtful enough to inform him so thoroughly.

He couldn’t fall apart now, he had so many questions “And her memory? One of my men reported that she couldn’t remember things and thought that I was deceased. Should I be concerned about her confusion, or is it simply that she needs to heal and give the cobwebs time to clear?”

“Truthfully, it’s hard to tell. She was mistreated, very badly at that. And for an extended period of time. Her mind may take longer than any physical injuries she’s sustained to heal. She will most likely need therapy, as she will most certainly have after effects of this ordeal. I’m going to finish up my rounds before I check in on her again.” She opened her door but paused, he back to him. “You never asked if I could tell you how far along she was. Most men, would be more than a little concerned that their wife was pregnant with another man’s child.”

Her wording. She’d stated that Lizzie _was_ pregnant with another man’s child. His voice was hoarse ‘it doesn’t matter. I lived through three months of torment believing that the love of my life was dead. I’ll take her any way I can get her. Nothing else matters but her and our baby’s safety.”

The physician still hadn’t turned towards him, but her small sniffle bore evidence to the effect his words had on her “You’re a good man Mr. Jennings. In four months, you are going to be an unbelievably amazing father to a little girl.”

With that she closed him into her office. The sounds of his sobs were her only companion down the corridor.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Liz and Red talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for falling behind on this! I'll post the next few chapters over the next day or so.
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual.

Hours later, a hand on his shoulder startled Red awake from where he sat beside the bed. His hand was holding hers and his torso was leaned towards her as if he couldn’t get close enough, even in sleep.

He glanced up at Dr. Fielden “How is she? Is something wrong?”

Exhaustion oozed from her countenance, yet here she was “You’re fine. She’s stable. I just wanted to let you know that I was going to try and catch a nap in my office here. I’m of no use to anyone after being awake thirty-six hours. If you need me, please don’t hesitate to send your man for me.”

He was so thankful of the care that she had diligently given Lizzie. He could never repay her care and compassion as she went above and beyond the standard of care.

But for all that, he still burned to get her home, where he could control the environment. “Before you go, do you have any idea when I can take her home? You are taking wonderful care of her, I just…I’m…anxious to get her someplace familiar, so she can feel stable and safe.”

She sighed “She can’t go home as she is. Withdrawal isn’t something you can wave a magic wand at or fix with a few days of rest. Normally I’d recommend a stay in a rehab clinic until the worst is over, but I recognize this situation is different and security is an issue. The next best thing is to remain here where I can monitor her and ensure everything possible is being done to help, for a few days at least. This isn’t going to be easy, or fast.”

He swallowed and nodded in understanding “I’ll do whatever it takes to make her better.”

Dr. Fielden checked and adjusted Lizzie’s IV fluids. “Your love will go a long way. Support, love, understanding. Even when you are at your limit, you’ll have to be patient. Her mental health is precarious and she may very well shatter. Go back to your nap Mr. Jennings, you need rest just as badly.”

 

*****

 

Lizzie opened her eyes, blinking to adjust to the dim light. Things had changed. She was in a big, comfortable bed. She glanced down and saw an IV line that ran from her arm to multiple bags on a stand.

For a moment she just lay there in the quiet and stillness, absorbing the first measure of peace in longer than her mind could even comprehend. She felt no hunger. No overwhelming need for the sting in arm that ruled her life. There was no pain.

Only sweet silence

A movement on her left startled her and she gasped. She tensed as the shadow moved.

“Lizzie, it’s me. I’m so sorry I frightened you.”

He came into view to stand by her side. From her vantage point, he was huge, much larger than the men who haunted her nightmares, yet the timbre of his voice calmed her. She knew that this man would keep her safe.

Gold and silver hair, trimmed military short. Startlingly clear, serious and brooding.

An image flashed, those same eyes sparkling with laughter as her spun her around and around on a dance floor. She closed her eyes, wanting more of the memory, but as it was gone as fast as it had appeared.

“Lizzie, are you hurting?”

Her eyes fluttered open, he was leaning close, his fingers reaching tentatively for her cheek.

She reached up and grabbed him. Entwined her fingers within his strong, sure grasp. He rubbed his thumb across the top of her hand and brought up to his lips, his touch achingly sweet.

“Red.”

His eyes crinkled into a small smile “Yes sweetheart, it’s me. You’re safe now, do you understand?”

She nodded, her throat too tight to speak.

His lips touched her forehead, he inhaled deeply and exhaled on a shudder.

He backed up to lean on the bed next to her, but she scooted away. Tears came to his eyes when she patted the empty space in front of her.

He sat on the bed, his thigh pressed to hers. “How do you feel?”

She frowned, clearly contemplative before finally answering “Free”

He held her hands in his own, as if he needed the contact more than his next breath. “I’m going to take you home soon. Dr. Fielden wants to observe you and let you rest so you can build up strength for the trip home. It shouldn’t take more than a few days, but I’ll be here with you the entire time.”

More images danced along the edge of her memory. This time, his face was drawn up in anger, his teeth bared in rage as he yelled at her. She flinched from the feeling of despair that washed over her “Lizzie, what’s wrong?”

Again, she shook her head but it was because she was unable to explain the dark feeling that washed over her.

For a long moment he simply stared at her, she absorbed his gaze greedily, his presence a balm on her soul. She relished that moment, focused on the absence of fear and pain.

He brought her hands to his lips. His hands trembled “I know you need rest. I just need to feel you. To see you.” His voice was rough, broken up by tears “I thought you were dead. There was evidence of your body in a plane crash, along with the pilot and your security. I buried you. I mourned your loss. You were gone, but it was I who was really dead. This…you here, is more than I could have ever hoped for.”

Her insides twisted, her tears burned like acid “I was in a cage. I waited for you. When I forgot everything but my name, I still knew you would come for me. But then you did and you were dead. And my hope died along with you.”

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz's withdrawal makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Things will get worse before they get better.

His eyes squeezed shut and a tear escaped from beneath his lashes. “I love you. So much. We have a lot to work through, but I will never leave you alone. I will always be there for you.”

She was hesitant “There’s…a lot of missing pieces. I can’t remember.” She wondered if he would be angry if she could only remember bits and pieces of their life together. Of him. But not only that, she barely remembered who _she_ even was.

She looked at him as he pulled away, watched the guilt flash in his eyes. ”It’s ok. It’ll come back and we will face it together. The most important thing is that I have you back.”

What did he have to feel guilty about?  

She changed the subject “What did the doctor give me? I feel…”

“Are you in pain? I’ll go get her.”

She shook her head “No, I feel…quiet. For now. My skin isn’t on fire, but I know it will be back. It’s always there.”

He cupped her cheek “We will get through this.”

“What did they do to me? Why?”

His hand stilled on her cheek, he swallowed “I don’t know. I didn’t get answers. But I can tell you that it won’t happen again. I protect what’s mine.”

She shivered at the tone of his voice.

“Tell me about us” she whispered.

He smiled at her then, and his face transformed. Gone was the brooding man, replaced with boyish charm “We’ve been married over six months now.”

Her brow wrinkled “Oh, not long then. I thought it was much longer.” She figured that it had been for years. When she was in his arms, the smell of him, the feel of him was so comforting. She was certain of nothing else but how absolutely safe she was with this man, her husband.

She concentrated hard to find the memories. What she did conjure up felt as though they weren’t even her memories. She was disembodied from them like a spectator at a play.

But then she smiled “Did Dembe give me away at our wedding?”

He froze, then slowly nodded.

“I remember that. He told me that I was the most beautiful bride in the entire world. I was trying not to cry, I think.”

He was hesitant, unsure “What else do you remember?”

She sighed, frowned “It’s a mess. Really. I can see random moments, feelings, but nothing in any order that would make sense. Like I’m watching a slide show that’s out of order.”

“Don’t rush it. When you feel safe again, when we’re home, everything will come back to you.”

“I’m hungry.” She blurted, immediately blushing, she didn’t mean to be so abrupt.

Her arm ached and she itched it uncomfortably. Hunger beat at her but she was unsure if it was hunger for food or the needle that drove her.

She ached. She _wanted_ to feel the needle sinking into her arm.

She was temporarily distracted by Red, who’d stood and said “I’ll find some food for you, sweetheart. I’ll be right back.” He had no idea of the storm building inside of her.

 

 

He walked at a fast clip to Dr. Fielden’s office, as Dembe was nowhere to be seen.

He nearly ran her down in the hallway “Is there some way to get food for her? She is awake and hungry.”

Fielden frowned “That’s good, but take it easy. Don’t give her too much too quickly. I have some stuff in my office so we won’t have to wait. I can microwave her some soup.”

He nodded, “Thank you so much”

She shooed him out of her office with the promise of bringing it in a few minutes.

He was nearly back to Lizzie’s room when he heard a crash. He broke into a run and burst through the door to see Lizzie standing on the side of her bed furthest from the door, her IV pole knocked over. She yanked frantically at the line on her arm.

Before he could react, she pulled the line free. Blood spilled onto her gown and the floor.

She rubbed and hit at her arms, her chest, and her legs. Blood was everywhere as she fought invisible objects. He flew over the bed and grabbed her to him. He reached for her arm to stop the flow of blood, but she began to fight him relentlessly. She had no idea he was trying to help her.

“Stop! Sweetheart, stop!”

She screamed “Get them off of me! Help!”

He held on to her as tightly as he could without hurting her to stop her flailing, all the while trying to get to her arm to stop the blood. He finally had a good hold, but she twitched and cried out in anguish.

“Fielden! I need you in here now!”

Lizzie arched her back and screamed, a high pitch keen of terror, bowing against him with a surprising amount of strength. “Lizzie. You’re ok, there’s nothing there. You’re fine.”

“They’re all over me! Please get them off!”

Dr. Fielden burst into the room, lab coat flying. “On the bed, I need to get that line hooked back up.”

Red hauled Lizzie up on the bed, his heart breaking, he held her down as she kicked and bucked. Her eyes were wild, pupils fixed and dilated. Sweat bathed her, her skin an ashen grey.

“Hallucination” Dr. Fielden said grimly. She yanked a bottle of medication and a syringe off the counter and deftly drew some of the liquid out. As gently as she could she injected Lizzie in the back of her arm.

Lizzie’s face was a mask stuck in a silent scream as the doctor tried to calm her. “Elizabeth, whatever you are seeing isn’t real. I’m going to help you. You’re husband’s here and we’re not going to let anything get you.”

Red was still straining to hold her with all of his strength. He had no idea what he said, but he whispered into her ear a litany of promises, repeatedly telling her how very much he loved her and would protect her.

Over and over again, until the medication started to take effect and the tension started to leave her body. He hoped to god he hadn’t hurt her as he restrained her.

What had been done to her? And would he ever be able to bring her back?

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Dembe being a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this!   
> Disclaimed, as always.

To see his Lizzie, his strong, incredibly resilient wife break down like that was like a blow to the chest. But he held her as she sobbed. Ran his hands over her back, her hair, everywhere he could reach.

For a moment, he allowed himself to dwell on the ‘what ifs’.

No. She wasn’t broken. He refused to believe that she was lost to him. Time. That was all she needed.

It took him a while to realize that she had quieted, the roar in his own ears was so loud.

“I’ll clean up the floor really quick and leave a change of clothes for her. You can help her get cleaned up and changed when she wakes.”

He wished he could fight this, take on this insidious monster for her. But all he could really do is sit back and watch as she mended the tattered corners of herself back together.

*****

A hand on his shoulder shook him awake. Beside him, Lizzie lay curled in his arms. His hand spanned her from hip to hip on top of the belt that held the fetal monitor in place.

It was Dembe “What happened in here? Are you both alright?”

Oh. They were both still wearing blood-splattered clothing.

He held his finger up to his lips and carefully moved out from underneath her. Every single part of his body protested the movement, reminding him that he hadn’t been taking care of himself for a very long time.

“Did you actually get any rest?” Dembe asked.

“No more than usual” which they both knew was very little “Lizzie had a rough night.”

“I am sorry I wasn’t here to assist you. I was actually disposing of our chopper that had been flagged by the Columbian authorities and procuring us another way home.”

Red clapped Dembe on the back and pulled him in for a hug. “Thank you. Also, I hope that there is enough room for four on whatever you reserved. I want to talk the doctor into coming with us. Now, if you don’t mind, I need a shower. I don’t want Lizzie to see me covered in her blood. You’ll stay?”

“Of course, Raymond.”

*****

Lizzie slowly stretched and opened her eyes. She remembered the things crawling over her body and yanked the covers to the side, but all she could see was blood-stained clothing.

She struggled to remember everything that happened. Giving up, she looked towards the window and saw Dembe.

When he saw that she was awake, he got up and moved to stand beside the bed “Hey, Liz. How are you doing?”

She tried to smile, but instead started to cry.

Dembe sat on the edge of the bed “Hey, none of that now.”

She sobbed “It feels like I’m losing my mind.” She despised how weak she sounded.

He hugged her to his side “You must not look at it in those terms. You are not losing your mind, you are getting it back. There is a difference. You are strong. Most people wouldn’t have survived as long as you did. Never underestimate yourself.”

“Where is Red?”

“He’ll be back soon. Do you want me to have someone get him?”

She shook her head. She needed him desperately, but she hated the way she clung to him like a simpering damsel in distress. She could make it a few minutes without him. Besides, Dembe was here and Dembe had been her friend. She remembered that much.

“You gave me away at our wedding.”

“I sure did. You made Raymond the happiest man in the world that day.”

“May I ask you a question?” “Of course. Anything.”

“Red and I knew each other before we were…involved? We worked together? How long had he been with the FBI?”

Dembe’s overly compassionate gaze made her wish she’d never asked.

“Raymond doesn’t work for the FBI, he’s just contracted to work with them.”

When she tried to think of Raymond working, the only images that came forth were him holding a gun in one, and laughing in the rest. She knew those two things couldn’t be related.

Her thoughts raced on and on, but came to an abrupt halt when she noticed the blood on her gown “What happened to me?” she gestured wildly to her attire.

Dembe smiled reassuringly at her “Nothing, just an accident with the IV while you were sleeping.”

She let out a breath, relieved. “Oh, that’s all. Well that’s good then.”

She thought that she had run out of things to say to him but a thought popped into her mind and left her mouth before she could bring it back “You don’t smile very often.”

“No, I don’t suppose I do.” He didn’t look upset or angry, so she continued her train of thought.

“But you smile at me. With me.” She could tell that he was wondering where she was headed with this.

Once the memories started, they came back in a rush.

“Others fear you though. You are a killer, but a protector. But I made you smile. Laugh even.”

He looked worried, ready to defend himself, but he had no reason to worry. She was almost as comfortable with him as she was with Red.

“We were at a lake, maybe? There was a dock and a cabin. I was running from Red who was chasing me towards the water. I ran up to you, you were standing on the dock, I was laughing, screaming for you to protect me from Red. But instead, you picked me up and threw me off the dock.”

Dembe laughed at the memory. “You were so mad. You got me back though. You and those pouty lips convinced Raymond to push me into the water later that day. From the boat. While it was moving.”

 

*****

 

Red stood outside of Lizzie’s room. Her quiet laughter tinkled like bells, warming his heart while simultaneously burning his gut like acid. He was petty enough to want to be the cause of her laughter. He had promised himself on her grave that he wouldn’t be jealous of her and Dembe’s friendship if he could just have another chance. Yet here he was, so jealous he could hardly see straight.

 

**Tbc…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimed, as always.

Red quickly decided that he couldn’t stand outside of Lizzie’s room another minute. He’d been gone too long already, but he needed to shower and change so that Lizzie wouldn’t see her blood all over him.

Red trusted Dembe more than anything. He always had and he always would. However, he and Lizzie had been in more than one argument concerning the beloved bodyguard.

Actually, it was his damn pride and general refusal to believe that Lizzie could have actually been in love with him. Tired and old, well past his prime, he knew that the much younger man, a man that was so pure of heart would be so much better for her. Lizzie and Dembe had become friends. And Red had been ecstatic that the two people closest to him got along so famously. Until doubt had crept in like an insidious infection, spreading like a disease inside of him.

He swore to himself so many times that he would do everything right if he were just granted another chance.

He shook his head at his continued stupidity, schooled his facial features, and walked in.

He immediately forgot about everything else except the way she lit up when she saw him.

Dembe walked over to him and gave him a hug. “Do you need me to find a change of clothes for her?”

Red gestured to the small bundle under his arm “No thank you, I brought some back with me. You should try to get some rest, Dembe. I know you have hardly slept.”

Dembe mumbled under his breath, something about Mr. Kaplan being a tattler. It made him smile and reminded him how very thankful he was for having Dembe by his side. “Thank you, Dembe.”

Dembe’s smile was blinding “No problem, I am so happy that you have your heart back.” Dembe said it like it was no big deal. That today was just another day. He just nodded in reply and turned to Lizzie.

She was blushing at being referenced as something so vital, but it was nothing less than the absolute truth. The joy in her eyes dimmed a little as she spoke “I want to go home. I feel like a bug under a microscope here. I remember the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the sun and wind in my hair. I want that. But more than that, I want you to be able to hold me.”

He swallowed and his throat bobbed with the effort, his voice gravel over glass. “Ah, sweetheart.”

His heart broke for her as he reclined beside her and gathered her carefully in his arms. He could feel every one of her ribs and her heart fluttered like a hummingbird’s wings.

It was the most beautiful feeling in the universe. Lizzie and their child snuggled deep in his arms.

 

*****

 

“Sweetheart, wake up. I need you to get up for a little bit. About another half hour until we get home. A quick car ride to the chopper pad and then home.”

She smiled and stretched into Red’s arms. She seemed so much more at peace the last day or so. She had one more episode where she didn’t know where she was, but Red was able to talk her down without the use of sedation, which he considered a huge triumph this early in her recuperation.

Throughout the night when she would scream and cry for relief from the terror, from the endless need for drugs, he would hold her tight and keep her safe, keep her sanity intact.

Dr. Fielden declined coming to the island, but spent hours talking with Mr. Kaplan on her care and recovery.

She also said that he should consider her hospital a safe haven if they were ever on that side of the world and in need.

He had everything that he needed to care for her for the next few months if need be. But she would be making regular trips to the mainland to see her Obstetrician. They had an appointment in four days.

Dembe had acquired them a few changes in clothes and then left to return home ahead of them. There were so many more security measures that needed to be put into place and Dembe was the only person he would entrust that to.

When they reached the chopper, Dembe was waiting to fly them himself. When Red had suggested vetting another pilot, Dembe shook his head and declared that if anyone was going to get on or off the island, he’d fly them.

 

*****

 

Liz eyed the house from the window of the chopper on the way down. She waited for recognition to hit her, anything that would spark a memory. Nothing, it was as if this house belonged to someone else.

“How long did we live here?” She whispered.

“For just a few months before you-” She could tell that he almost said died. Red coughed and continued   “We moved here right after our honeymoon.”

She cocked her head to the side, not realizing that it was a mannerism she’d adopted from him long before they were together “Where was our honeymoon?”

He looked momentarily surprised as heat filled his eyes “We went to Fuji and spent a few weeks on the beach. I don’t think you wore more than a bikini the entire time.”

She blushed and lowered her head to hide her embarrassment.

His arm came up around her back, supportive but tentative as if he were afraid she would spook. “Ready?”

She breathed deep and nodded. He dropped his hand to her side as Dembe opened the door for them.

“Take care. Rest well, Elizabeth.” He was leaving. He had saved her and she couldn’t remember if she’d even said ‘thank you’ to him.

She wrenched away from Red and practically threw herself at Dembe. She hugged him tight “You’re coming back, right?”

“I’ll be here on the island. My home is not far. I’ll be here if either one of you need me.” He looked at red as he spoke the last part.

But Red shook his head slightly and offered a small smile “We’ll be fine. Mr. Kaplan is here somewhere. Good night, Dembe”

To her, he seemed a little reserved but he pulled Dembe in for a hug right after she stepped away from him.    

He turned to her, all smiles, and gestured towards the house “Shall we?”

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and Liz finally reach home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little longer. I tried to work in what I wanted it to say, but as per usual, these two crazy kids are running the show and are stubborn as ever. Thank you so much for your reviews and words of encouragement!
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

When they walked through the cavernous entryway, she was reminded of a museum maybe, but certainly not a house she lived in.

She concentrated so hard on finding anything familiar. A rug, a piece of art. Nothing.

There was no denying the house was gorgeous. More like a mansion, so stylish she knew she couldn’t have anything to do with its décor.

“Are you sure I belong here?”

He pulled her into his arms “You belong wherever I am. You belong with me. Always. I know you are overwhelmed, but we will get through this. I just want you to promise me you’ll tell me if something is wrong, if you aren’t feeling well or are afraid of something so I can make it better, alright?”

She squeezed him as hard as she could. She breathed in his scent and once again felt nothing but reassurance and a sense of home.

She smiled, so content for that moment “Show me around?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. I’d love to.” He led her from room to room, telling her little stories about things that occurred there. “I’d tell you more, but most of our time in these rooms were spent honeymooning’” His grin was positively wolfish, all teeth. He looked so carefree, so familiar, she knew she had witnessed that smile many times.

As they wandered room to room, Red asked “Anything familiar yet?”

She shook her head. She wanted to run, as far and as fast as she could, to find a home where she belonged. Every part of this house’ mocked her as a fraud. She was no one.

But then they reached their suite. “This is our bedroom and right through that door is the master bath.”

Everything was so feminine. Deep blues were mixed with lavender from floor to ceiling. The four-poster bed was decorated in sheer scarves that looked as decadent as they did lovely. It was hard for her to imagine Red being comfortable here.

“It doesn’t look like you.” She said slowly, hoping he wouldn’t be offended.

His smile was loving, tender “This was all chosen by you.”

She was still lost “But it doesn’t look like me either.”

She knew she sounded desperate, but Red’s voice was nothing but cool, calm waters “Beautiful, feminine, uncluttered; I’d say this room is exactly you.”

The words he’d utilized fit the room exactly, but not her. She was a mess, a box full of puzzle pieces thrown carelessly to the floor. She walked towards the bathroom, hoped to escape even temporarily from her inadequacy.

The bathroom was large, a Jacuzzi tub large enough to swim in, separated from the toilet and the his-and-hers sinks along the wall. Her gaze locked on the tub.  

Memories, one after one, bubbled to the surface. Laughter, the splash of water. Her sitting in the tub up to her chest. Red. In one memory, Red was kneeling behind her, fully dressed as he poured water over her hair, his arms gliding over his slick curves, worshiping her. In another, Red was in the tub with her as she straddled his waist, her fingers clutched at his chest hair.

The third, most vivid memory came sharply into focus on a gasp. She was in his arms with her back to his chest, his hands cupped her breasts to tease and play with her nipples, his tongue and teeth at her neck. He told her over and over how lovely she was, how much he loved her and couldn’t get enough of her. His hands were elegant as they reached up to soap her hair, massaging her scalp, making her moan.

She shivered. She wanted that feeling of love and security again. She blurted “Will you take a bath with me?”

His head jerked back in surprise. He didn’t respond, the twitch in his cheek, the movement of his mouth told her that he was grappling, unsure of precisely which words to use.

“You used to wash my hair. I remember you touching me. Caring for me.”

There was fire in his eyes, but he swallowed “Are you sure? I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

He was so sweet. She felt so awkward. She hated asking her husband, the man she was married to, to do something so intimate with her again. She stepped towards him for a hug, needed at least a small connection. He was trembling.

She realized that this was probably harder on him than it was for her. He had many more memories of them together than she did. He could remember how she was and miss what he’d lost.

He kissed her temple. “I’ll draw the bath. Your clothes are in the closet out and to the left if you want to choose some pajamas”

She went out and went through the myriad of drawers and shelves to find loose pants and a Red tank top. She spied the underwear drawer and was reminded that she hadn’t worn a bra in what seemed like forever by the ache in her tender breasts.

She looked down at her body. It felt foreign. Her bones protruded unattractively. Suddenly, she was unsure if she wanted Red to see her like this. A shell of the woman he married.

A few minutes later, he appeared looking as tense as she felt “Are you ready, sweetheart?”

She couldn’t force herself to meet his eyes as she admitted “I feel…Maybe I could go in first and you come in a minute or two later?”

His eyes were warm, his face concerned “Absolutely. Take as much time as you need. You let me know when you’re ready. Even if you just want company while you bathe. Just be careful.”

 

She entered the bathroom, undressed hurriedly. Finally looking at herself in the mirror, she was startled. She had no association with this foreign body. So gaunt, she nearly laughed. She wouldn’t be inciting any passionate embraces any time soon. Her belly protruded slightly, she rubbed it, was surprised at how hard it felt.

There was another memory, just at the edge of her periphery. She closed her eyes in frustration. When she opened them again, she looked at the vanity. Why was her brain telling her to look in there?

She opened the door slowly, as if she were handling a dangerous animal. Toiletries, extra tissues, makeup remover, shaving kit, tampons, and a hair clipper. All of the normal things that she expected to see.

She sighed, no revelations coming from that.

The clippers. She shaved Red’s hair short. She laughed as he tried to distract her by fondling her behind. Minutes later he had her up against the vanity, buried deep inside of her. Her clearest memories, the ones that were the easiest to remember, were when he was with her, loving her.

She gave up even trying to remember.

As she stepped into the tub, she let out a surprised squeal as she felt a fluttering in her abdomen.

Red burst through the door “What’s the matter?” His face was a mixture of worry and fear as his gaze raked her naked body from head to toe, looking for a reason behind her distress.

She was terrified as memories assaulted her. She whispered “Red, am I pregnant?”

 

**Tbc…**


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz and Red take a bath together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am afraid that this may be moving too slow for some, but we have the rest of the hiatus to fill with entertainment 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

_She was pregnant._ Flashes of her appointment, trying to figure out a way to tell Red, the absolute joy she felt bombarded her. That was quickly chased away by the realization, the horror of what was done to her.

As if trying to reassure her, her belly rippled and shifted underneath her palm. Red watched her with tears in his eyes. This time it wasn’t a question “I’m still pregnant. Is the baby alright? Is there…anything wrong with him?”

He approached her and slipped his arms gently around her “By some miracle, our daughter is just fine nestled safely inside her mother. I was trying to figure out a way to tell you without scaring you. I’m so glad you remembered on your own.”

Overwhelmed was too mild an emotion. They were going to have a baby!

Wait. “You said daughter. We’re having a girl? It’s a girl?” She was looking into his eyes for any indication that he was upset but the love shining back at her as he replied “A little girl who will be just as fierce and lovely as her mother.”

This was so much to wrap her mind around. She was pregnant. Surely it was meant to be. She could no longer afford to be the weakling. She was one hundred more times committed to not letting whatever those bastards drugged her with take over her. She was going to be a mom. Her daughter would need a mother as strong as her father.

She took a deep breath, remembered that she was standing in front of Red naked, and backed into the water to sink below the bubbles. She closed her eyes, mind racing with thoughts of their baby and Red.

When she opened them, Red was sitting on the edge of the tub, fully clothed.

Surprised she asked “Aren’t you going to join me…I mean us?”

He ran a hand down his face as if unsure. “Tell me how you want me to do this, baby. You want me to wear my shorts? I can just keep you company if you’d prefer it.”

She smiled, showing him her dimples “Nope. If you get to see me naked, I get to see you.”

He leaned forward and tucked a finger under her chin. His eyes crinkled into a smile “You can see me anyway you want.”

He undress with an economy of movement that wasn’t rushed, but wasn’t as slow as she would have liked. The muscles on his thighs were as bulky as she thought. His stomach was smaller. He must have lost weight.

They had both suffered.

Her cheeks were red when he caught her staring at him. She knew she shouldn’t feel embarrassed for ogling her husband. He was hers to look at all she wanted.

She desperately wanted to reacquaint herself with him. She craved to duplicate the intimacy that she imagined, to know if they were just dreams she created.

She shifted forward as he climbed in and settled against her. He wrapped his arms carefully around her smaller frame and pulled her back against his chest.

She laid her hair against his clavicle and he kissed her temple.

She felt a shudder roll through his body at the same time she registered wetness on her neck. Tears. His tears.

She moved to turn around but he tightened his grip “Stay,” he pled in a choked voice. “Just let me hold you sweetheart. I just need to hold you.”

She relaxed into him and nestled into the arms around her. Shudders continued to work through his body, quiet huffs sounded past her ears.

Instead of being reassured by the knowledge that he loved her so deeply, she felt vulnerable, unworthy even.

After a while Red seemed to collect himself. His grip loosened and he cupped his hands in the water to wet her hair. He squeezed shampoo in his hands and worked it into her scalp, rubbing and kneading.

She moaned and closed her eyes in bliss.

She wanted to cry, the tenderness so alien to her after so long.

“I want to remember everything. Why can’t I?” her voice was heavy with unshed tears.

His voice was gravelly as he replied “You will. Until then, we will make new memories.”

Finished with her hair, his hands drifted down her shoulders, massaged the tense muscles there. They moved lower, and she held her breath as he moved towards her breasts, but he didn’t cup her. His fingers glided over the swells, but moved on to her belly quickly. Where he stopped, content to rest there and cradle their child for a moment.

“Slide down so I can rinse you.”

She went limp and slid down his body. He was so tender as he held her head with one hand to keep her face out of the water, that she knew she would remember this moment forever.

His body was tensing. He must want to talk, to ask her something. “Red?”

“Lizzie.” She huffed “Just ask, I’m getting anxious just anticipating what it is.”

He smiled slightly but his face quickly darkened. “Do you remember much about your captivity?”

Slowly, she nodded “Not everything. Some things. Everything is muddled because of the drugs they gave me. It’s hard to piece things together.”

She was glad she was facing away from him, she knew what was coming next. “Did they…did they hurt you?”

She shivered and he immediately moved his foot for the drain. He stood, helped her to stand, and then wrapped a warm and fluffy towel around her. She watched unabashedly as he dried himself off.

He settled his towel low on his hips, turned to her and grabbed another warm towel to dry her from head to toe. Even her hair was barely damp by the time he finished.

He moved towards her closet but she blurted out “I want one of your shirts.”

He paused “Of course.” And moved to his closet.

She swam among the tailored lines of the snow white shirt. After buttoning it up to the top, he pulled on boxers and settled beside her on the bed.

“I could stay here for a week.” She said with a sigh.

His voice sent shivers of pleasure down her spine “I believe that could be arranged quite easily.” She could listen to him speak until the end of time.

He held her against him. With them spooned together it was easier to speak of what she knew was going to cause him pain. But they both needed to clear the air and gain closure. It was the only way for them to move forward.

 

**Tbc…**


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz talks about her captivity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst is back, sorry.   
> Warning: NON/con is mentioned, but its not something that actually happened.
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

“Red?” she hated how small her voice sounded to her own ears.

“Yes, sweetheart?” His words were more of a rumble in his chest as he settled in comfortably behind her, his hand rubbing her belly where their child rested.

“I remember a lot of the things they did to me.” Red’s hand stilled on her abdomen, felt the shudder roll through his body. She hastily continued “I mean-I remember pieces, like when one of the men tried…” She knew he didn’t want to hear this, but she had to share.

“What did he try?” His voice low, dangerous.

She rolled to face him. It might to be easier to share while not looking, but she needed that connection to get through it.

“He tried to hurt me,” she said vaguely “But another man stopped him. He got him off of me and gave me back my clothing.

Red’s face was rigid, a mask of stone. Only his eyes betrayed the emotion burning inside of him.

“Did he ever try again?” His question was bit out, as if he couldn’t help himself.

“I don’t think I was raped,” she whispered. She looked searchingly at him. “Wouldn’t I know? How would I forget something so horrid? I remember everything else that they did, why not that?”

“What else did they do?” His hands shook against her face, his eyes so focused and intent on her that she felt…cherished. It gave her the strength to continue.

She frowned as memories rolled through her. “They told me I was never going home. That I was to wait for pick up. The first group didn’t treat me terribly, but then I was taken by another group and it was a man…a father-“ She searched for the name that she knew, but couldn’t quite remember. “Lorca!”

Red’s face was a thundercloud at that name “He was taken care of for the part he played in the Stewmaker case.”

“I know. It was his father, he said he heard through the criminal element that I was captured there so he killed the men holding me and took me as revenge against you and payback for I guess you killing him. He thought I had something to do with it too.”

Red closed his eyes. When he opened them, she could see that he was going to blame himself. “You had nothing to do with me being there Red. That blame lies with the original group that captured me. They kept me locked up and whenever they let me out I tried to escape. They put me in…in a box. Tiny, only one or two small holes for ventilation. I always felt like I was suffocating.” She was panting “Baking, I was baking inside of it.”

She shuddered involuntarily and Red gathered her close. His heartbeat thumped like a stampede against her ear. She could feel the rage billowing off of him. She had to finish this. ”But then they started with the drugs and I hated not being aware, of losing control. It frightened me. But then I started needing it, only feeling good when they gave me another injection. I hated it, but I felt like I was losing my sanity anyways, so it didn’t matter.” She was crying, her breaths huffing in and out

Red had tears in his eyes “Oh, don’t sweetheart. No, we can stop.”

“No, you need to know. They used it to control me then, kept me in constant withdrawal. Until I hated myself more than I hated them. Then they killed a man and drug him away. He looked like you and they told me you were dead. I wanted to die then too.”

His big shoulders heaved and she thought that he might be crying too, but she was afraid to look, afraid of her own shaky grip on her emotions. If she saw him break, she would shatter.      

His whisper was fierce “We are going to get through this. You’re already doing so well. We can beat this together.

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that right now she wanted the needle more than she wanted her next breath. She couldn’t tell him that speaking about her time in captivity made her need the oblivion so badly she’d sell her soul for another hit. But she had to be strong for him and their daughter. And so she lay silently in his arms and prayed that the itch would somehow go away if she fell asleep.

 

*****

Red snatched up his phone when it rang, hoping he didn’t get to it too late to not wake Lizzie.

She was currently curled up on the sofa overlooking the sea, sleeping peacefully. A chenille blanket was pulled up to her chin. She looked impossibly young and still so damn tiny a stiff breeze could blow her away.

He sent it to voicemail, knowing that Dembe or he would take care of it later.

A knock on the door and then Dembe was there in front of him. Speak of the devil, he thought with a snort.

“Yeah?” Red whispered.

“How are things?” Dembe whispered back. ‘You haven’t asked for help and neither Kate nor I have seen much of either of you in days. We think you should get some fresh air, read a book. Maybe shower? Just get away for a while. Taking care of her is hard on you too.”

“I’m not going to leave her alone.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that. I’ll stay with her and Mr. Kaplan is here.” Dembe’s face was almost disdain that Red thought he was suggesting leaving Lizzie alone.

He knew that Dembe was right. But he didn’t want to leave her for even a moment. How could he articulate the panic he felt at the idea of leaving Lizzie? That the idea of looking away from her for even a moment made his palms sweat.

What if he’d been given his life back and it was all just a dream?

“All right, I’ll go. You will come get me if she needs me.”

 

**tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz and Dembe talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are still enjoying this and its not going too slow for you.
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual.

The dream was similar to all of the others she’d had since being rescued. Red was angry, his face pinched into a dark cloud. He was shouting at her, gesturing wildly with his hands.

Despair washed over her in waves, she was helpless. Afraid. More afraid than she’d been of her captors.

Was it a nightmare? Just terrible images fueled by her fear and insecurities, or was she remembering. Was this a memory of her life with Red?

She moaned and twisted and turned, held captive once again, but this time by her dreams. All she could think of was _He doesn’t love you. This isn’t real. It’s over._

“Elizabeth, wake up. Elizabeth. You’re dreaming girl, wake up.”

She shrank away from the voice as her eyes fluttered open. She blinked and nearly cried in relief as Dembe’s face came into view. She felt nauseous and guilty that she was happy that it wasn’t Red waking her up.

She grabbed his hand and held on for dear life. This man was her friend. He’d never been anything but wonderful to her.

“Hey, are you alright?”

She took a deep breath and nodded. She sat up as Dembe sat as far away as he could while still holding on to her hand.

“Raymond is actually seeing to some things while you rested. Do you want me to get him for you? He’s on the other end of the house, but he can be here within minutes.”

“No. No, umm, that’s fine. Would you mind if I asked you a question?”

His voice was so reassuring, she felt safe enough to ask “Did Red love me? You know before… We didn’t get married because we were on the run or some plan?” Dembe frowned. She was so mixed up inside she didn’t know which would be worse; finding out that you were married for a convenience of some sort, or to find out that your love was one sided.

“Raymond is my brother, but he never discussed your feelings with me. I do know that as an observer, and knowing him better than nearly anyone else, he’s loved you for a long time. When he thought you dead, he was a truly broken man. Many have tried to accomplish what believing you to be dead did; it broke him. He went to your memorial more than twice a day at first.”

Morbid curiosity drove her to ask “I have a memorial?”

“Of course. Your ashes. The ashes of whatever body went down with the helicopter, I mean are entombed there.”

She wanted to see it. “Can you take me there? Please?” She begged him, needing to know, to witness what her tombstone looked like.

He sighed and mumbled under his breath about Red killing him and having Mr. Kaplan dispose of his remains, but he sighed and agreed.

“I can drive you.”

She frowned “Is it that far? I could use the exercise. I feel like rigor mortis is setting in.” Dembe flinched slightly and she flushed when she realized her wording would be inappropriate. Too late to take the words back, she set out for the patio entrance.

In for a penny and all that, she may as well try to get it off her chest “I have nightmares about us. Red is angry, shouting. I can’t tell why he’s mad, but I am afraid, truly scared. Not that he’d hurt me, but that he didn’t love me, didn’t want me anymore.” Her arms were wrapped tightly around her body as they walked.

Dembe held her arm slightly, much like Red’s habit of always doing the same “You’re scared, Elizabeth. We’re all strangers to you right now. You’ve been tossed back into a world that you remember very little of. After everything that you’ve been through, I’d be amazed if you didn’t have nightmares about everything.”

*****

“Dear god that is not a headstone, that’s a monument. What the hell was he thinking?”

The statue was enormous. Much taller than she was. It was an angel, hands straight out to the sides, chin set defiantly into the air, like the figurehead of a ship. She was leaning towards the sea. When the tide was high and the sea was rough, she imagined that the sea spray would reach her, shrouding her in deeper mystery.

On the front was an inscription:

                _Between grief and nothing, I will take grief._

She shakily ran her hands along the engraving. She looked up into the angel’s face and gasped. It was her face, one lone granite tear trailing down her face. This was a masterpiece. How had Red commissioned it to be ready so soon?

She walked around it and notice the base had another inscription:

                _I walk this earth an empty shell, my only companion an angel of light_

She went to the back and there was no inscription at the base. Looking at the minute details of the sculpture, she notices words on her back, as if her angel wore a tattoo:

                _You think you have time. Until you don’t._

At the final side, she was momentarily distracted by the fact that her angel wore a sword tucked into the folds of her billowing gown. But it didn’t stop her from finding the last inscription. It was longer than the rest:

                _ER,_

             _You will always be the first thing I think of._

_Time will not lesson the hole left behind._

_My light, my love forever lost._

_I can no longer gravitate towards it warmth._

_Always Yours,_

_RR_

Having read the inscriptions, proof of the depth of his love for her, she felt foolish for even asking Dembe if Red loved her. But she couldn’t forget those images in her dreams. They loomed over her, always at the back of her mind, making it impossible for her to forget.

When she was awake, she only remembered the happy times. Couldn’t help but wonder what was inside of her that made her dreams, her subconscious, so dark.

Dembe’s earlier words went a long way in giving her hope and reassurance, but she had to find out for her sanity. Even if she wasn’t at all sure that she actually wanted to find out.

 

**Tbc….**                                    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz kisses Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still sticking with this. I appreciate the feedback!!! 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

Red frantically checked every corner of the house for any sign of Lizzie or Dembe, but they weren’t in the house. When he asked his head of security, he was told that they were on the cliffs and his heart nearly stopped. Why would Dembe show her something that could possibly cause a set-back?

When he finally reached the patio doors closest to the cliffs, he had worked himself into a lather of fury. They hadn’t even taken a car, Lizzie and the baby get so tired out so easily. The door opened in front of him and all he could see was Dembe.

“You’re supposed to stay with Lizzie,” Red exploded “Goddamn it! Where the hell is she?”

Dembe’s eyebrows rose impossibly high, but all he did was reach an arm behind him and steadied Lizzie as he stepped to the side so Red could see her. She was stiff as a board, her eyes wild as she looked for an escape.

His anger left him like air from a balloon “Lizzie, are you all right? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. I shouldn’t have left.”

She took a visible breath and looked up at him “Please don’t be angry with Dembe. I asked to walk out to the cliffs. I wanted the fresh air and I was curious about my headstone. He tried to protest, insisting I wait for you, but I wouldn’t hear of it. I’m sorry, but if you’re…mad, you should be mad at me. Not him.”

She saw movement behind Red and was surprised to see Mr. Kaplan and the long-haired man that helped get her out of the jungle.

Instead of answering right away, he stepped closed closer, his hand slid over the side of her neck and then up to cup her jaw. His thumb caressed her cheek, and she tilted her chin so that she could look him in the eyes.

He tipped his head forward so that their foreheads were barely touching and whispered “Are you ok?”

Everyone else seemed to disappear. It was then that she realized that he hadn’t kissed her yet. Not as a husband. He’d been so careful, so understanding with her.

She licked her lips. She wanted him to kiss her. Now.

But then her gaze skirted around them and saw everyone watching. So she ducked her head and stepped back, the moment lost.

Red’s hand fell away from her face but she caught it within the grasp of her own, wanting to keep that contact.

His eyes crinkled in happiness “Are you hungry?”

 

*****

 

It had taken her a while to become accustomed to sleeping in a bed. And sleeping with Red. Although, she was surprised that he hadn’t resorted to sleeping on the sofa.

Every single night, she woke up in the middle of the night to find herself glued to his side like a conjoined twins. For some reason, she thought that Red would be annoyed with her for giving him so little space to rest. But like everything else, he was nothing but kind and considerate.

The hardest thing to become accustomed to was not living in fear of him being gone when she woke up. He never left the bed before she woke up so she never had to wake alone. He always made sure that he was there and holding her when she jerked awake.  

Some mornings, they’d lie there lazily, Red stroking her belly and talking to their daughter until the sun filled their room with light.

Today was an exception. She actually woke before he did. Utilizing her time wisely, she studied the planes of his face and marveled at how relaxed and carefree he looked in slumber. The worry that frequently shadowed his eyes was gone, the ever present frowns at poor Dembe absent, he was just Red. The Red that she was coming to remember more and more.

She wanted to touch him. She wondered what he would do if she kissed him. Red was always very tactile and affectionate with her, but he still hasn’t kissed her as a lover.

Part of her was curious. She’d already remembered glimpses of the passion they shared together, but nothing of the feelings, the emotion between them. But another part of her was terrified. She was afraid that if they tried to make love, she would be unable to remember the emotional connection. What if she felt nothing?

No, she thought to herself, impossible, I am much too physically aware of him.

So she moved closer to him, loving the way his arm automatically moved to accommodate her. Her mouth hovered right above his. Her pulse pounded, sweat gathered in her palms, and she chided herself for being so ridiculously foolish.

She licked her lips and carefully pressed her mouth to his. It gave her a giddy thrill for such a small kiss.

She pulled away, worried he might wake, but nothing, his expression and breathing unchanged. So she kissed him again. Just a tiny peck at the corner of his mouth, but his lack of reaction emboldened her. Warmth was spreading throughout her whole body and she swore she could kiss him all day.

Confident, she put her mouth fully over his for a lingering kiss. His lips parted and she gasped and jerked back in surprise. He was watching her though half-lidded eyes.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” His voice was low, but rough with sleep.

Blushing, she felt like a silly teenager, trying to steal her first kiss. “Morning.”

He brought up his hand and ran a finger down her nose “I like the way you say good morning.”

She ducked her head in embarrassment, but he stopped her chin with his finger. “Hey. I loved it. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve dreamed of waking up just like this.”

Her heart fluttered and turned over like a jar full of butterflies “I just feel so silly. We must have kissed so many times, but to me, this feels just like a first time.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz and Red are learning to get back to normal. Liz makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red and Liz have a long journey ahead of them, but I wanted to thank you for sticking around. You guys are the best.
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual.

His hand slid behind her neck and cradled the back of her head in his palm. “Well let’s make our first time perfect.”

He started at one corner of her mouth and peppered little kisses until he reached the other corner. His tongue slid sensually over her top lip, her bottom lip, then slowly in between her lips to open them up to his advances. She acquiesced with a soft sigh, and their tongues met, tasting, exploring.

Their tongues dueled, slowly at first. Then faster and faster, their breathing turned ragged to match. They shared each puff of air, savored it before demanding more.

How had she ever thought that she wouldn’t respond to him? She ached for him. She wanted to curl up into him so tightly that she’d never be without his strength. His love.  

How could he love her when she’d forgotten their past? How could she love him when all she had was bits and pieces of their time together?

Red pulled away, slid his hand down to just hold her against him. “What are you thinking?”

She smiled tremulously “I want so badly to remember. Was it always like this? Was it better?”

When he replied, she knew that her questions applied to her as well. His voice was strong, full of emotion “I think it will get better every single day.”

 

*****

 

Red watched as Lizzie splashed and laughed in the pool. His chest ached with how full his heart was.

Their baby was so prominently displayed between Lizzies hip bones that he had to resist the urge to swing her around and whoop and holler like a fool with his sheer joy at having them safe and home.

“Red. Re-ed? Hey, you still with us? Stop daydreaming and get into the pool with me!”

He snapped out of his musings. She was so adorable. She would tire herself out soon. “I think I’ll just watch. We’ll need to go in soon to eat.”

The little play pouty face she made was so adorable. He wanted to do whatever she wanted, but he really didn’t want to have to answer questions that he knows will come up. He was wearing trunks, and she’d seen his scars, they’d even talked about them at length since she had woken up one night and asked to see them to compare them with her memories.

He was more than ready to move on with her, to start new. Every day a little more was coming back and he dreaded the day it all came back.

He must have been frowning because Lizzie yelled out “Hiya Dembe! You going to join me since Mr. Frown face doesn’t believe in fun?”

Red turned quickly to see Dembe close to the house, reading the screen of an iPad.

Lizzie couldn’t know the hornet’s nest she’d just kicked with her comment.

Thankfully Dembe could read him pretty well and held up the device and shook his head to indicate that he had work to do when he saw the look on Red’s face.

Red ripped off his shirt and said “Oh, I think you’ll be sorry for that comment. I’m all about the fun, Mrs. Reddington.”

 

*****

 

Her heart beat harder, faster at his words. _Mrs. Reddington._

As she watched him dive into the water without a single splash, she knew that she was in trouble and probably needed to move away.

But it was too late, she shrieked loudly as his hand brushed her calf, as he grabbed her gently and bit her up high on her thigh. It was barely hard enough to feel, but it scared the heck out of her. When he surfaced she smacked his shoulder. “What the hell, Red, did you just bite me?”

He was grinning like a boy when he said “Look who doesn’t believe in fun now, hmm?”

He was so funny, her laughter spilled out like magic, and he would never have enough of it.

She hugged him tight and said “How did you do that? That was amazing, you’re so fast in the water.”

He huffed a laugh and said “The Navy was a long time ago, but I’ve kept up a little bit through the years.”

She hadn’t remembered “Oh yeah, Navy.” She frowned and he immediately looked contrite.

“You hungry? I’ll make you grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

“I’d love that.” She’d been craving them like crazy. She could eat it for every meal if Red would let her.

He moved to the ladder to climb out of the water. She was close behind him, looking around at how beautiful the back yard was.

She took one look at his back and gasped. “Red, your back. You have a tattoo.”

He climbed out as if the hounds of hell were on his heels. “Wait there, I’ll grab a towel and help you out.”

She could climb out herself, she wasn’t handicapped. She’d never regain her full strength if Red wouldn’t let her do anything.

On the top step, she nearly slipped, but Red was there to catch her before she fell “If you’re going to go against what I say, please just do it safely.” His smile was tight, forced. “Stop trying to change the subject, Red. What’s your tattoo of. It’s not faded, and I remember the night I first saw them. There was no tattoo. I’m your wife. Please.”

He turned around with a great sigh. “I just don’t want to upset you, sweetheart.”

She laid her hand upon his back, next to the words. It was two sentences. It was so familiar.

It took her a moment to realize where she had seen those very words, but when she did, the blood drained from her face and she grew lightheaded.

The script was bold, but only about an inch in height.

                _You think you have time. Until you don’t._

It was the same inscription that her memorial angel wore on her back.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz asks Red to make love to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wont always be slow, I promise. We'll get the answers to some questions in the next few chapters.

He marked himself, permanently, for her. Warmth spread from the pit of her stomach into full blown butterflies, stealing her breath.

His back radiated heat into her palm. It was reassuring, it was also branding. She never wanted to forget the feel of his skin beneath her palm.

In that moment, she needed him, needed their connection to strengthen her. If she couldn’t have him she would drown.

Shakily, she rounded him and placed her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. As if it were her that was warming him.

“I want you to make love to me.” At her declaration, his eyes snapped open.

He audibly swallowed. Fire burned in his eyes, his voice hoarse “I’ll do anything you want, sweetheart.”

She nearly jumped with excitement “You will, right now?! I’m talking full on husband and wife stuff. Not just kissing.” She didn’t know how to word it without getting coarse and possibly turning him off with her language.

He didn’t reply.

“Don’t you want me? As a wife?” She stammered as she spoke, never having considered the possibility, but that could be the reason he’d been so distant.

He stepped away from her, paced on the patio in front of her “How could I not want you? Not a moment goes by when I don’t want you.” His hand came up to grip the back of his head “But I also need you to feel safe and protected more than my own needs. I don’t want to frighten you. I would never do it on purpose, but if I unintentionally do something, you could have a set back and I need you and out baby to be safe. I can’t stand the thought of being the reason you hurt.”

“Red.” The lump in her throat prevented her from saying more. So instead she kissed him hard. With all of the passion she’d been afraid to show him.

There was no finesse, no skill. Her hands clasped clumsily around his neck, rubbing the short hairs at his nape.

She pulled away only when she needed air “You won’t hurt me. I do feel safe with you. I dreamed of you. Even when everything was a fuzzy mess but my name, I remembered you.”

He rested his forehead against hers, exchanging heaving breaths with her.

“Come inside with me.”

 

*****

 

Her husky voice sent a shock down his spine. She reached for his hand, hers was trembling. He laced their fingers together and brought her hand to his mouth. Kissed every knuckle.

“Let’s go.”

He reached the patio and fumbled with the doorknob, his hand slipping before getting it to open.

Lizzie leaned against the door inside and dissolved into giggles. The sound was so joyful that he just watched in awe of her.

She held her sides as she gasped to stem the laughter from bubbling out. “What a pair we are. Is this how we were before we got married? Nervous as two cats so eager to get to bed that we trip all over ourselves in the process.

Red grinned and a chuckle escaped, followed by outright guffaws of laughter. The tension between them evaporated and he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I guess we’ve been smoother. Leave it to a man to get antsy when sex is mentioned.”

I’m glad you’re a normal man. It would make it even harder for me to seduce you if you weren’t.

Unable to resist the urge, he held her to him and tucked her underneath his arm. They moved through the house and he flipped every light on as they went. By the time they left the bedroom it would be dark, she was still uneasy with the dark.

A quick hug and a kiss to her temple gave him so much peace. She felt so right…If only he’d seen that before.

He closed his eyes and pushed those memories away. Not tonight when things were so perfect.

“I don’t want to lie to you Red. I am so nervous. I am not afraid. I know you’d never hurt me. I’m not even sure why I’m so anxious. I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. I am nervous too. We shall be nervous together.”

 

 

She was surprised that once in their bedroom, he didn’t move for the bed, just faced her. His lips achingly tender on hers

It was her who deepened the kiss, demanding more.

She felt delicious and desirable for the first time in forever, beautiful. How could she feel any different when Red was so attentive, so gentle. His hands ran down her back until he palmed her behind. He squeezed and kneaded her cheeks.

She loved the taste of his lips, but moved to nibble under his ear, down the column of his neck. He had a scar there and she didn’t know what made her do it, but she was compelled into biting him there, then soothed it with her tongue. His hiss and groan were music to her ears. She’d done this before.

“You have too many clothes on Red.” She said as she backed him into the bed.

“You too.” Was his reply.

They undressed each other, ruining god knows how many garments, but when they were finished, she stared down at him in wonder.

“You’ve seen me before, Lizzie.” His voice was strained with passion, but there was also a hint of awkwardness. And she realized he was blushing under her perusal of his body. That just didn’t fit her perception of him, but it was endearing…and arousing.

She backed on to the bed and he quickly moved over her. Her nipple was in his mouth before she could think, let alone speak.

Her body was on fire and she had to make him relieve the pressure between her legs. To touch her.

For a moment, feelings and sensations bombarded her. Things she’d forgotten all back in a rush. The feeling of being love and cherished was dizzying.

He was her anchor in a violent storm. Her rock. Her protector. She melted into him, touched him everywhere.

He moved the rest of the way over her and she opened to him. He was worried he would scare her, but she’d never felt safer.

Her body cradled his shaft, but he made no move to press forward. He just settled against her, waiting for her to decide.

She nodded, “Yes, please.”

But instead of parting her folds with his erection, he tested her with his hands, two swipes from his thumb and her thighs shook uncontrollably.

“Red. Now.” She needed him more than anything and was willing to beg to get him to hurry.

He supported himself above her “Tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable. I can stop at any time. Remember that.”

She growled “You better not stop.” And pulled his mouth down to hers.

 

**Tbc...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Red talks to Mr. Kaplan about why Liz is having nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback. You guys are great.

Head bent, Red tasted every inch of her skin. Liz’s hands and mouth were insistent, nearly frantic. But he kept his movements slow.

He knew she was frustrated, but he was busy memorizing the new planes and curves of her body. The temptation to rush, to take the immediate pleasure was overwhelming. But having her, the awe he felt at being afforded a second chance, he’d be damned if he wasted one moment of it.

Worshipping her body was a privilege and he wouldn’t squander a second rushing through and cheating her of even an ounce of pleasure. She was so lovely.

He loved her so damn much. She whimpered and sighed with every touch, every kiss.

Her nails scraped along his scalp and he shuddered. He’d never tire of her touch.

Her nipples pebbled under his tongue, his breathing ragged by her response to his touch. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer. His goal was to make her feel as much pleasure as possible before he embarrassed himself with his lack of restraint.

 

So tight, so warm and wet, all he could do was apologize. But then the sudden flutter of her inner muscles told him that maybe he wouldn’t have to apologize as profusely as he’s thought.

Her cries, her kiss, he was torn between them as one muffled the other. He couldn’t think, could barely see as they both found themselves swallowed by pleasure.

When their breathing calmed somewhat, he gathered her close so that he could feel every beat of her heart.

“Thank you.” Her whisper was so soft he almost missed it over the pounding of his own heartbeat.

He stiffened in surprise. Puzzled, he pulled back to look at her “For what, sweetheart?”

“For making me feel love again”

He waited a moment, knowing that if he tried to speak, he’d have fallen apart in her arms.

He took a deep inhale, hugged her to him once again and vowed “You’ll never know anything else.”

 

*****

 

The dream was dark and ugly. Red was there, but he wasn’t comforting her. He was yelling, gesturing wildly with his arms.

She faced him, sobbing uncontrollably with the knowledge that their marriage was over, he didn’t want her any more.

His eyes, usually so intense and full of love and caring were hard and flat, no hint of emotion, despite his rage.

_Your marriage is a fraud. You are a fraud. He doesn’t love you._

The faceless voice hit her where she was most vulnerable. Repeated the words over and over again.

“No!” she yelled in her sleep. “No, NO!”

“Lizzie, wake up sweetheart, it’s just a dream. Come back to me, that’s it. I’m here.”

She jerked with full awareness, scrambled away from him to sit up against their headboard. He followed her and enfolded her into his arms. He told her silly, nonsensical stories about their time together from before. Some from before they had even met.

She knew that he was trying to take her mind off of the horrific dream, and for the most part, he was doing a wonderful job. Her mind raced as she tried to make sense of all of the memories that the dream had brought to the surface.

 

*****

 

“Kate, I fucked up.” Red sat, slumped over a cup of tea in the kitchen the next day. Lizzie was taking a nap and Dembe was off island on a supply run.

Mr. Kaplan looked at him deadpan. She was used to him confiding in her, but surprised that he was admitting that he was at fault.

“What have you done, Raymond?”

She has nightmares. And it’s because of me. I messed up. We made up, but she doesn’t remember that. Do you remember when I left for Germany? We hadn’t been married long, but I left her with Dembe because it was only going to be a short trip. When I came back, I saw something that made me say terrible things to both her and Dembe. Dembe knew I was just an ass, but I had no idea…she had miscarried. I was hurt and I did everything I could to drive her away.”

Mr. Kaplan frowned slightly, but otherwise gave no indication of what she was thinking. “How bad are we talking here?”

His hands wouldn’t still and he finally caught them behind his neck in an effort to still their movements. “I gave her divorce papers. But we moved past that. We made up, but she doesn’t remember that. She has nightmares of how awful I was to her.”

Kate shook her head and sighed, “What is it you want? Do you want out now, is that the problem?”

He was horrified that she would jump to that conclusion. He stood up, outraged “God, no. I’m just afraid that all of the memories she remembers are going to be the bad ones and that she’ll realize…she’ll realize that she should have left me before this all could even begin.”

All of his old doubts were swimming at the surface of his consciousness. He’d had no business taking their relationship to the next level. She was too good for him on her worst day.

She had no idea how awful the man she had tied herself to really was. The nightmares she was having were testament that she was remembering. He’d tried so hard to keep those memories at bay. He knew, more than anyone how trying to repress memories backfired. It seemed that he was doomed to repeat the same mistakes with her.

When she finally remembered, he just hoped that he would survive not having her in his life again.

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. It will get better. Let me know what you think.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this. All of your messages and reviews are so very appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

Liz woke slowly from her nap, content that she had managed to capture a few moments of dreamless sleep. She felt much better and wanted to maybe go swimming while she felt so rested.

All of her waking thoughts were consumed by Red. Everything about him drew her to him like a moth to a flame. Eventually, she knew that she would have to cut the cord and let him get back to business. But for now, both of them were content with spending close to every waking moment with the other.

Just thinking of him brought about the need to see him, to be close to him. He calmed her. When the need for drugs was unbearable and her emotions an untamable raging storm within, he was always there to hold her and talk to her. She couldn’t even remember half of the things he said, but it didn’t matter. Feeling his arms around her, hearing his voice at her ear was so effective that she didn’t know what she would do without him.

Missing him, she went in search of Red and found him in the kitchen, sipping at a drink while Mr. Kaplan stirred a pot on the stove. He looked so sad, so forlorn that she couldn’t help but think that it was her fault.

He’d been so careful with her, she knew that he was sheltering her in an effort to prevent making her feel any extreme emotions. He worried ceaselessly about her withdrawal and knew that being upset triggered her need.

She thought he was absolutely wonderful and hated the thought of him miserable. If she was the cause of his unhappiness, it would break her heart.

His suit was a light grey. His shirt was a deep maroon for once, with a matching grey vest over the top. He was so attractive that sometimes she had trouble believing that he’d wanted to be with her.

From the little she garnered from her memories, he’d been looking out for her for decades. She knew she had most likely been a stone around his neck from the beginning, but the love that was written all over his face every time he looked at her had to be real, right?

The longer she stared at him, unobserved, the more she wanted him. She didn’t care if her hormones were out of whack. Her mouth watered as she thought of how good he’d felt inside of her. She wanted more. His shirt pulled tight over his biceps as he bent over the cup in front of him. The angle of his body to hers lent her the perfect view of his profile. The back of his vest rode up slightly in the back, leaving a gap where his pants bowed a bit at the rear belt loop.

As if drawn by a magnet, her eyes stayed on his buttocks as she imagined herself digging her nails into him as he powered into her. No longer the gentle lover, but an equal partner.

“Lizzie, did you have a good nap?” She jerked her head up to meet his eyes as he walked toward her, his tea abandoned.

She blushed and nodded to him and gave a small wave to Mr. Kaplan who gave a terse nod in greeting. “Yeah, it was wonderful, I was wondering if…you wanted to take a walk with me?” That wasn’t really what she had wanted to ask him, but with an audience, it was all she could get out.

Mr. Kaplan paused her food preparations to ask “How are you doing today, Elizabeth?” Mr. Kaplan was so abrasive, but so caring she couldn’t help but smile. “I’m good, thank you. The extra rest was wonderful.”

Momentarily distracted from her wicked thoughts by Mr. Kaplan’s inquiry, they all came rushing back as Red reached her. His hands burned a trail down her arms as he ran his fingers from her shoulder to palm to hold her hands.

When he looked at her, she tried to tell him how much she wanted him with her eyes. His pupils widened and his breathing hitched, and she wanted to jump up in victory. The sound of his voice when he replied was like a match to gasoline on her already inflamed libido “Instead of a walk, why don’t we go lie down for a bit.”

Shivers ran down her spine as his tone implied that he most definitely wasn’t referring to rest.

And she absolutely couldn’t wait.

So excited she could barely see, she practically drug him behind her to their bedroom. She stopped abruptly before they reached the bed. She knew what she wanted, but wasn’t sure

His arms came around her and he just held her, his hands running over her stomach. Their daughter. She was going to find the strong woman that she had been and unbury her.

“I want to touch you, Red.” She felt and heard him swallow before answering “There’s nothing I’d love more, sweetheart.”

She was so nervous, but so very anxious to feel him. To taste him. “Will you undress for me?” She had no idea where the boldness came from, but she ran with it, eager to feel more like her old self.

He wasted no time before he was naked in front of her. Power ran through her, something that she couldn’t even remember feeling before, at him being naked and vulnerable to her gaze.

Her eyes widened in appreciation when it reached his erection. If possible, he hardened further under her gaze.

“Tell me what you’d like for me to do,” he encouraged. He was letting her have all the power. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much she needed to recapture that feeling.

A thousand thoughts ran through her mind, but she only captured one.

“Nothing. It’s my turn.”

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! So…umm, you’d think that by this time, I’d stop being embarrassed writing this stuff, but you’d be wrong. Because I am seriously blushing right now. Smut ahead. Skip it if it’s not your thing. 
> 
> disclaimed, as always.

When she sank to her knees in front of him, he nearly came right then and there. An embarrassment to be sure, but anything was worth seeing the confidence replace the uncertainty in her eyes, back after so long.

She glanced up at him, her desire so clear to him. His chest ached with how very much he loved her. He wished that she felt comfortable enough to say those words to him more. Hesitantly, she reached out and circled around him.

He groaned as she stoked him, lightly grazing her hands all over him. Sweat broke out on his forehead when she cupped his sack, squeezing with just enough pressure to drive him insane.

He was going to die. He was trying to be good. Attempting to be patient and still when every fiber of his body demanded that he pull her up and make love to her until she forgot both of their names.

Then her lips touched him and he was the one to forget. Nothing else existed but her. It was just a kiss. Then it was a playful little lick. The bolder she grew, the harder he became.

He wanted to touch her so badly that his hands clenched and unclenched at his side until he lost all sensation around his knuckled.

She licked a circle around his head, paying special attention to the crease at the tip.

“You taste so good,” she said and then went back to her exploration.

He moaned “Lizzie, hell, sweetheart.” His toes curled into the carpet as she moved her mouth down to suck gently at his sack, her hands tightly wound around his shaft. He strained upward, wanting, needing more.

Then her hands were gone and she was sucking him hard, deep into her throat without warning. He couldn’t help the shout that echoed around them.

His hands stuttered clumsily over the top of her head, he couldn’t hold back from touching her any longer.

He was going to crawl out of his skin at any moment. Her mouth was heaven and hell rolled into one tiny, moist and hot package. “Lizzie, you need to stop. I’m going to come. I can’t hold back any longer.”

She pulled away, leaned back and licked her lips like a satisfied cat. He had to dig his nails painfully into the palms of his hand to keep from coming at the look on her face. She was so aroused, so beautiful that he had to reach down and pinch the head of his cock between his fingers to chase away the erotic images floating through his head, beckoning him to paradise.

Her head canted to the side “If you come now, are you done for the night?” she asked curiously. Her previous nerves gone, it seemed.

“The way you are looking at me, I’ll be ready again in five minutes.” It was probably not true, but the way she was looking at him, he more than believed it.

“Then I definitely want you to come now.”

Her husky, erotic tone washed over him like lava. His cock jumped in his hand as if to tell him to move his damn hand and let the pro handle the rest.

The hand that replaced his was cool, and so very soft. For a moment, she fondled him again. Ran her hands over him as if memorizing the lines and curvature.

He wasn’t going to last and wanted her mouth more than he wanted his next breath, but this was her show, he her willing participant.

She parted her lips and sucked him in her mouth. He couldn’t stop the litany of her name from his lips, or the thrust of his hips to take him deep.

He’d been ready to pull back if she’d shown a sign of distress, but she sighed around him. A breathy sound of satisfaction that sent shards of pleasure down his spine to his toes.

It should be him making love to her. Laying her down and kissing every inch of her body. But damn he missed this, missed their openness. He’d made so many mistakes, he was determined to live every moment with appreciation and never take her for granted again.

The fire started low, at the base of his spine. His balls drew up and he swelled up until it felt like he’d split open. She was so in tuned with his body, she tightened her grip, one hand on his behind, one hand at the base of him, squeezing the remaining length that wouldn’t fit in her mouth. He loved that she knew exactly what he needed, the extra pressure that would send him soaring.

The world around him blurred. All he could process was the feel of her moist mouth sucking him hard.

“I’m coming, sweetheart,” he gasped, giving her one last chance. He moved to pull away, not wanting to hurt her.

But then both of her hands were on his behind, her nails digging into his cheeks. She took him all the way to the back of her throat and swallowed. Oh, god. That was it.

With a hoarse shout, he came. The first jet exploded from him, painful in its intensity.

She swallowed rapidly and sucked deeper, bringing her hand around to work him up and down.

He pulsed a send and third time, shouting anew with the force of each one. He wanted to watch, but his head fell back and his eyes clenched shut. Both of his hands were tangled in her hair, pulling her closer until he could feel his sack brush her chin.

He’d never experienced such a powerful orgasm in his entire life.

When he opened his eyes, his senses somewhat returned, he noticed his hands in her hair and immediately let go. He worried that he’d been to rough, but she didn’t move her mouth as she worked him down from the most intense pleasure he’d ever felt. Her moan of satisfaction reverberated from his cock throughout his entire body.

He’d been determined to give her gentle, but he was too raw, too ragged right now. If he were smart, he’d give her an orgasm and let her fall asleep in his arms. But that isn’t what she came to him for, not in the least.

If she wanted this, he’d give it to her. He just hoped like hell he didn’t scare her away in the process.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I know I promised smut, but this is full of fluff. It’s just the way it came out and I’ll make it up to you before the story is over, I promise. Thank you for the amazing reviews, I appreciate every word. 
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual. I own nothing.

She tried to regulate her breathing, but when she looked up at him, his eyes clenched tightly in an erotic grimace and his body listed to the side slightly, her objective was pointless.

She wanted him so badly, the pleasure that she felt at driving him so wild nearly drove her over the edge as well.

So there she knelt, on the ragged precipice of a summit that threatened to overwhelm her.

When she stood, he opened his eyes but didn’t move. Just tracked her movements with his hooded gaze, his breathing still rough and deep.    

Unceremoniously, she pulled her shirt over her head and wiggled out of her shorts and underwear. Naked, she kept her eyes averted, but drew her hand up to feel her stomach when their daughter moved abruptly.

“Look at me, Lizzie.” His voice was a mere rumble, but she snapped her gaze to his. “Get on the bed, please,” His tone was oh so polite, but it was then that he was closest to losing control. “You can stop this whenever you’d like, but I do believe that you wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble to prove a point, only to turn back at the moment of truth.”

How right he was. He knew that she’d sought to prove to herself, and him, that she was strong, able, and worthy of their relationship. By taking charge, she’d given herself more empowerment and reassurance that everything was going to be alright, than anything else in the time she’d been back.

She could do anything. Because she knew that he would catch her if she faltered.

His dare gave her the courage that she needed to continue.  

The back of her legs hit the bed and she would have fallen back if Red weren’t right there to catch her. Her squeal of surprise made them both grin.

He laid her back, gently on the edge of the bed and then fell to his knees at her feet. His large shoulders spreading her legs even further.

She could barely breathe she was so aroused. “Put your feet on my shoulders.” She whimpered and immediately complied. God, he knew exactly how to drive her insane with his mouth and hands. Hindsight was crystal clear for a reason, and she wished she wouldn’t have teased him so much just moments ago.

With the pad of his thumb, she leaned up and watched him stroke her folds. His face was a hypnotizing amalgamation of lust and love. She didn’t dare look away. When he reached forward to stroke her clit with his tongue, she wanted so badly to close her eyes, to lose herself in the pleasure, but she’d much rather watch.

“Red.” She whispered as he worked on finger inside of her. Her inner muscles quaked and convulsed around the digit. He withdrew, sucked the moisture from his finger and probed her entrance with his tongue.

Her fingers curled into the blanket as she bucked her hips and gasped his name. Her nipples beaded into tight little nubs. Her breasts felt so full and heavy. She wanted him inside of her so badly.

Using his fingers and his mouth, he played a game that she could never hope to win. Taking her higher, only to back off and let her rest, only to start all over again.

“Come in my mouth just like I came in yours,” he said hoarsely.

Everything felt so hot, his every touch and stroke left a fiery trail behind that drove her further into madness. But this time he wasn’t stopping. He wasn’t letting up and her entire body was shaking. Her legs trembled uncontrollably. All of her muscles locked and tense. She was so close, all most there.

He sucked harder at her clit, taking care to not cross that delicate line between pain and pleasure. She grabbed the back of his head and ground her pelvis into him as she came. The cries and shrieks that left her mouth to echo throughout the room surely could have been hers.

But the self-satisfied smile on Red’s face when she opened her eyes told her they were.

 

*****

 

Before the last tremors could leave her body, he moved up her body until his straining cock pressed urgently against her core. He wanted so badly to fill her up, to claim her, but he paused.

“Tell me you want this Lizzie. Tell me you want me.” He wished his voice didn’t rumble and crack, but he couldn’t keep the emotion form his tone.

Her face was flushed pink, her eyes, glossy with pleasure but shining so brightly with love and joy that he wanted to weep.

“Please, Red. I want you so badly.” Her words were so soft he paused. This started out as Lizzie feeling like she had something to prove, but it had morphed, changed. It was he who had something to prove. To prove to Lizzie that he had something to offer, that when the shit hit the fan and Lizzie remembered how truly awful he was she would stay. She would find something, anything worth staying for.

He slid inside of her slowly, careful not to hurt her. Once fully seated, he froze, his biceps quivering with the need to move, but he savored her. Absorbed the sensation of her hot and wet around him. It was heaven.

Her legs came around him to hold him deep. He lowered himself and she cradled him, taking his weight. The feel of her hands travelling lightly over him, everywhere she could reach slayed him. But then she cupped the back of his head, pulled him down and crushed her mouth to his.

She was so hot, so wild, yet still unsure of the power she held over him. He was hers, completely and utterly.

She shifted her hips, causing him to slide a bit deeper and he groaned. He withdrew and thrust forward, again and again.

“Red” she whispered and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

He’d never tire of hearing his name on her lips.

It galvanized him into action, and he lifted up to power inside of her.

Faster. Harder. His senses blurred, only she existed. Her muscles tensed and her keening wail triggered his own release. It was no slow buildup like before. It flashed, bright and intense, if possible more powerful than the last.

When he opened his eyes after gaining some semblance of consciousness, he looked down to see Lizzie staring up at him with her heart in her eyes. His breath caught in his throat. Then she said it.

“I love you.”

The tears that blurred his vision stung. He had no words. He couldn’t have spoken if he wanted to. The knot in his throat was choking him.

“Oh god, sweetheart. I love you too. So damned much.”

He dropped his forehead to hers and both of their chests heaved as they tried to catch their breath.

Moments passed and he needed to hear it again to make sure that it wasn’t a dream. That she didn’t say it in the heat of passion.

“Say it again,” he choked out.

Her eyes went soft, and she framed his face with her hands. For a moment she stroked the contours of his jaw, just gazing up at him. A thought flittered across his mind that she was going to tell him something different, that she didn’t really mean to say it.

But then she spoke “I love you. I love you so much. I may not remember everything, but it feels right. We feel right. I’m as sure of this as I am of anything.”

A tear splashed onto her cheek. He hadn’t even felt it fall. He tried to hold in the emotion. But it was as if a dam had broken. So he simply gathered her into his arms, their bodied still joined, and held on for dear life.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another nightmare takes Liz to Dembe's doorstep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so there was a reprieve from the angst, but that time is up. Buckle your seatbelts. It will get better, but it’s going to be really bad. Think rollercoasters, lol.
> 
> I love all of the wonderful feedback. Thank you so much for being rock stars and sticking with this through all of the torture I’m putting them through!
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

The dream tormented her. The pictures were more vivid this time. More detail. Red stood in front of her, his face drawn and angry. He was shouting at her. He turned to a bookshelf behind him and shoved them at her.

He didn’t want her anymore. He was done and she would be free of him.

Despair swamped her as she sat up from bed with a groan. Her heart beat wildly, but Red still slept peacefully beside her. She put her hand on his arm to reassure herself.

But still, the sick feeling inside of her festered. Was she so insecure that hers fears of losing him had inserted themselves into some sick delusion?

She was remembering more and more. Pieces that were building a puzzle.

She rolled out of bed, nausea forming in her belly. Red loved her. She loved him. He hadn’t given her a single reason to believe any differently.

She hastily pulled on a pair of yoga pants and one of Red’s t-shirts.

The bookshelf. She would go and look to prove to herself that this was not her reality and then blame everything on her captivity. Paranoid delusions, that’s all they were.

She walked into the library and stared at the multitude of shelves of books. She had no idea where to look, so she closed her eyes and tried to remember the dream.

She crossed the room to them and pulled out volume after volume, feeling foolish and relieved that nothing was there. She was ready to give up when a set of folded papers fell to the floor as she yanked a book out.

Her heart fell and she stared at them like they were a hideous creature about to take her leg off.

Carefully, she re-shelved the encyclopedia and stepped back. Squatting down, she picked up the papers and carried them to the desk so she could read them under the light of the lamp there.

At first, she couldn’t make sense of what they were. Legal documents for sure, but it wasn’t until she’d read them a couple times that it sunk in.

Shock hit her like a train. Divorce. Red had filed for a divorce. The papers sat while one hand covered her mouth and one hand covered her stomach where their daughter rested. All she could do is breath deep so she wouldn’t vomit.

Bits and pieces of that day came back and she closed her eyes to block them out. It was no use, Red’s face was full of rage and grief. He hated her. He wanted out of their marriage. God, some of the things he’d accused her of.

He’d accused her of having an affair with Dembe. Was it true? Fuck, she couldn’t remember!

She remembered how she felt that day, as if she had failed and could never make it right, yet she’d been devastated when he’d showed her the papers.

No one knew. She’d die before she went to Mr. Kaplan or Dembe with their marital problems.

Was he glad when she died? Oh, god, was he acting like she was the love of his life because he felt guilt she was taken?

She choked back a sob as she stood. Her palms were slick with sweat, her breathing so shallow she felt light-headed. She shoved the papers in the waistband of her pants and left.

She made her way through the house and stumbled outside. Dembe would know, he could help. She wanted to curl up and cry. She could always call Dembe. She knew he would come for her.

With a snarl of disgust “No one can save you now but you,” she chanted to herself over and over.

Squinting and walking towards where Red pointed Dembe’s house to be, she searched her tattered memories of any indication that she was mistaken about her relationship with Dembe, but all she came up with was brotherly love.

At his door, she hesitated and chided herself for being such a coward. She rubbed her palms down her pants and knocked on his door with a hand that shook.

The door yanked open and she stepped back instinctively when Dembe appeared wearing nothing but boxers and a scowl, pointing a gun at her.

His scowl disappeared as soon as he realized it was her. Worry instantly replaced it “Elizabeth. Is everything ok? Is something wrong with Raymond?”

She wouldn’t cry. Would. Not. Cry. She made painful facial contortions to maintain her composure.

“Can we talk?” she said haltingly.

He moved to let her in “Of course, what’s wrong? Where’s Raymond?”

Again, the threat of tears nearly undid her. She bit her lip and followed him inside.

“Red is asleep,” she said softly “He’s fine.”

Dembe’s sharp gaze flickered over her and it was obvious he didn’t miss that she’d left herself out of the ‘okay’ equation.

He put his hand on her shoulder “Hey, what’s wrong, honey?”

No longer able to control the tide of emotion, she launched herself at him and buried her face in his chest. Tears fell like raindrops as she wrapped her arms around his neck. All of the aguish she’d tried to hold in came spilling out.

He wrapped his arms around her and didn’t say anything. Just stroked a hand through her hair. He waited as she wept all over him.

When she finally got control of herself and the sobbing was reduced to the sniffles, he carefully pulled away and tilted her chin up to look at him.

“Sit down and tell me what’s wrong? Did something happen with Raymond?”

At his name, she closed her eyes and blinked back more tears.

“What has he done?” he said, his voice carefully neutral.

She let him guide her to the sofa and sit her down. He settled beside her, perched on the edge and turned in her direction. She gripped his hands, afraid to let go, afraid she’d break down again and she’d never get her question answered.

“Do you need a drink?” She just shook her head in reply. She raised her head to meet his eyes. “I need to ask you something. And I need the truth.”

He brushed stray hairs off her face and tucked them behind her ear “Anything. Of course.”

She swallowed and just blurted “Did we…did you and I…ever have an affair?”

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz gets some answers from Dembe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost through the storm, I promise. Thank you so much for reading! I know you are anxiously awaiting this chapter. 
> 
> Disclaimed, as usual.

Dembe’s eyes went wide with shock. If his reaction was any indication, she’d been way off base.

“No,” he exclaimed, horrified “Why on earth would you ask that? Tell me you haven’t been torturing yourself thinking that I…that we betrayed Raymond.”

“He thought we did,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Red”  

Dembe’s mouth dropped open. “Ok, I think I need you to back up. I don’t understand. Raymond thinks that you and I had an affair?”

“He wanted a divorce. He demanded one,” she said painfully.

She’d never seen Dembe so upset “Holy fuck,” he hissed. “Has he lost his mind? He asked for a divorce tonight?!”

Dembe’s breath was coming faster by the minute, his rage on her behalf a palpable thing. He looked like he was about to explode, and she rushed to diffuse the situation.

“I’m explaining badly. No, not tonight. Oh, Dembe, I think I’m losing my mind.”

He took a few deep breaths “Take your time. Back up and tell me everything,” he said, his voice soft and even.    

She drug a hand through her hair. She was so tired. Just hours ago she’d felt like she could conquer the world. Happy, secure in Red’s love. Finally, she thought that everything was going to work out, but now everything was gone.

“Were we happy? she asked. “Did you think that Red and I were happy before I died?”

He didn’t answer, and maybe he thought it was a rhetorical question. She sighed and continued.

“I’ve been having dreams. Nightmares, really. In all of them Red is angry. Furious and yelling while I’m left bewildered and helpless. I had wondered if my insecurities had just manifested themselves in my dreams because Red has been so perfect since I was rescued. I’ve wanted to tell him that I love him, but the thought left me terrified. Tonight I told him, and he was so overcome. But then I had the worst nightmare yet.”

His gaze was full of sympathy “What was your nightmare tonight?” Dembe asked gently.

“More shouting, more anger. The knowledge that he hates me because I failed him. He was shoving these papers at me.”

She pulled the papers back out of her waistband and held them out, her hands trembling.

“I got up to look for them because it felt like my world was ending. Now I know why.”

Dembe looked at the papers and then looked at her “These are dated for before you were taken. What the-“

“Am I living a lie, Dembe? I don’t remember everything. I wish like hell I did. All I have is pieces. He wanted out, he accused me of having an affair with _you!_ ”

Dembe just stared for a moment like he couldn’t even wrap his brain around the accusation.

“No, we never had an affair Elizabeth. I’ve never thought of-you’re like a sibling. You two love each other, so much. At least I thought that was the case.

She was crying, yelling “I don’t know what to do? He wanted a divorce and now he’s the perfect husband? How am I supposed to reconcile the two versions of our marriage?”

He cradled her face in his hands to calm her “Obviously there’s something I’m missing here, about what was going on with you two before the accident. I only know one thing. When he believed you to be dead, he was destroyed. He grieved for you so deeply, so very much. There just aren’t words to convey how broken he was when he thought you’d been taken from him. That was not a man who didn’t love you or wanted out of your marriage, I swear to you. The first sign of life he showed was the day that he received the package containing photos of you…After that, you were his sole focus. He was willing to start a war, to die, to get you back.”

He paused and took a breath, hugged her.

“I have wondered what went through his head when he came home after your miscarriage and I was staying with you. He was silent and never spoke to me about it, which is irregular. But at the time, I suppose he was dealing with his grief and guilt at being away on business when it happened. Now I wonder if the fool was jealous, and that was the cause of his reticence.”

Liz stiffened and drew away from Dembe “I lost a baby?!”

Dembe closed his eyes and cursed “Damnit, I’m sorry. I forgot that you don’t remember everything. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

But her mind was numb, blank. Her life before her death was an absolute mess. Was it any wonder she blocked it out? Oh, she knew that the drugs were to blame, but in the face of the truth, any sane person would have wanted to forget.

She felt like laughing, she was teetering on the edge of a cliff about to fall with nothing to cushion her fall.

“Tell me about the baby.” Her hands hovered protectively over her daughter, as if she could keep her from the same fate.

“You miscarried while Raymond was away on business. You were sick afterward, so I stayed with you and helped you until he could return.”

She managed a dry laugh, hysterical, as everything crumbled down around her. She thought that she’d had the perfect husband, the perfect life. She couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“I don’t know what to do, Dembe.” She whispered.

A loud knock at the door prevented him from answering. Red was here. Fear gripped her. How could she face him knowing the truth? She wasn’t strong enough to look at the love that always softened his features and know that none of it was real.

“You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to. I can make him go away.”

She knew that it would come sooner or later so she may as well get it over with now.

“It’s ok Dembe, go ahead and let him in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red explains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful words and encouragement. I love hearing from you. I appreciate you sticking with this. I am posting 2 chapters today and two tomorrow to make up for the lack of updates. Sorry I have been behind on this! 
> 
> Disclaimed, as always…

Dembe opened the door to him, just as he was contemplating shooting the damn thing in. “Where is she, is she here?”

He figured that Dembe would move to let him in, but he blocked his entrance and frowned.

He had no time to worry about Dembe’s hurt feelings or whatever he had going on. Lizzie was here and he needed to see her.

Waking up to find her gone had brought back so many horrific memories. Just when he’d thought that he could sleep again. It would be a long time before he would be able to again.

His voice was low and deadly “Get out of my way.”

“Living room.” Was all Dembe said as he shouldered by him.

When he entered the room, Lizzie was huddled in the corner of the sofa, trying to make herself as small as possible.

He fell to his knees at her feet “Are you all right? I woke up and you were gone. I was so worried.” He said hoarsely. He tried to not sound desperate, but finding her gone again made him so.

When he reached for her, she flinched as if electrocuted, as if she couldn’t bear to have him touch her. He stared at her in shock.

“Do you want me to stay, Elizabeth?” Red twisted to look at Dembe who had broken his stony silence. His head turned to look between the two of them to gauge exactly what was going on. Lizzie had tear tracks on her face and tears in her eyes.

A sick feeling settled into his stomach. Had she remembered?

She looked at Dembe and shook her head “No, thank you.” She said softly.

Dembe walked away towards the back of his house to give them privacy, but Red didn’t really care. He only cared about fixing this mess he’d made.

“Lizzie?”

She pushed a sheaf of papers in his face. “I found these.”

He didn’t even need to look at them to know what they were “Oh, god.”

“I kept having these dreams that you hated me, that I failed you and you wanted me gone.”

He put his finger over her lips and hushed her. He couldn’t take hearing that coming from her mouth “Shh…no, never. I swear to you that I never didn’t love you. I never hated you, sweetheart.”

She shook him off and stared down at the papers “These say you did. Or at least that you didn’t love me anymore. That you thought our marriage was over and you wanted out. God, you didn’t even try to get rid of them. You left them in the last place they were before I died.”

He had no real defense for the pain he’d put her through.

“I left them there to tear them up in front of you. We had made up, but I had to go away on business. I was waiting until we were together again. It was a chance that I never got.”

She was angry. “I need you to talk to me Red. Our problems started before these papers or they wouldn’t even exist. I didn’t even know that I had lost a baby until Dembe told me tonight.”

He staggered back on his heels, his gut boiling. He wasn’t prepared. He lived with the knowledge every day that she would remember, but he needed more time. He’d just gotten her back and wasn’t ready to face the prospect of losing her.

He took a deep breath to steady his fried nerves. This was important. This was his life. He wouldn’t lie to her no matter how bad it made him look.

His voice was soft, “You were so excited when you found out you were pregnant,” he said, smiling as he remembered _how_ excited she’d been. “I was gone a lot tying up loose ends, trying to make our world safe, and I worried that I wouldn’t be there when you gave birth. Dembe offered to step in, no problem since he was already here protecting you. It was a wonderful gesture, but I was resentful, jealous even.

“And then you miscarried when I was off and there was no satellite signal, but then an enemy came too close to finding me and I had to lay low. By the time Dembe reached me, it was too late. I felt so guilty because I knew how happy you were and I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. That you had to go through that alone. “

He glanced at Lizzie, who still sat with her arms holding their daughter protectively. Her eyes haunted him. There was so much pain…and confusion as she tried to filter through what she remembered versus what he was telling her.

“So then I came home and there was Dembe. Dembe the rock. Dembe who’d been with you the entire time. I was furious with myself and jealous. I was also grieving for our baby and I lashed out at you,” he swallowed and looked away from her, “If I could take it all back.”

He ran a hand over the back of his head and gripped his neck to ease the stress there “I stopped going away. I knew I had failed you. I hated no being in control of our safety and security, instead I left it to others. It made me restless. I took it all out on you. And I hated myself. One day, I tried to think of the last time I saw you smile and I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t live with the thought that I was making you miserable. I was my own worst enemy and I was destroying the beauty in you and our marriage, and that only made me angrier.”

A sound of pain escaped Lizzie’s tightly pressed lips. She looked as though he’d struck her. He wished none of it were true. He wanted to have never hurt her, but he wouldn’t dare lie to her now. It was like a poison in his soul and he had to get rid of it.

“You tried. You tried to show me how much you love me and I shit on it because I was eaten alive with guilt. I knew I never deserved a life with you. So I made you miserable and threw the divorce papers at you, to free you because you deserve so much better. The look on your face has eaten away at me these last few months. You thought I hated you and even though we made up, you were gone and I worried that the last thought you had was that our marriage, your memories were more bad than good. And I never got the chance to prove that I was worthy of your love. Because two days later I was called away. You told me to go, that you were fine with it. You even smiled at me when you said it. Then I lost you.”

He wanted to hold her, to touch her, but he was afraid to, because if she rejected him, he was lost.

She stood shakily, her hand on the sofa to steady her. Her face was pale and her eyes were huge. She looked…devastated.

She looked away and lick her lips as if gathering her courage. Which was ironic, because at that moment, he was the broken one and she the fighter. Tears fell as she looked at him.

“Do you want out, Red? Is guilt why you are with me now? Because you feel responsible for what happened to me? Did you _want_ me to find those papers?”

He stood in front of her and gathered her into his arms “No, sweetheart. God, no. Never. I love you so much. I made mistakes. You forgave me once, giving me the sun. And then I got the news that you’d died.” His voice cracked, and he couldn’t go an anymore.

Even saying it brought that reality back to him and he couldn’t go there, not if he wanted to stay sane.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I kept the papers this long as a reminder that everything that I lost was my fault and mine alone. I forgot that I had left them there, I was so overjoyed to have you back.”

He drew back, wiped the tears off her cheeks “I love you,” he whispered.

But her eyes were hard, with no trace of the previous hurt “I can’t live thinking that you feel trapped because your dead wife came back from the grave. I can’t live with thinking that I’ve been given everything that I prayed for in a jungle hell for the past few months when it’s not real.”

He leaned forward to kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her quivering mouth.

“The day I learned you were still alive was the single greatest day of my life. I have been given a second chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want it more than I want to live. Will you please come home with me, give me this chance?”

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and Liz try to make it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter for today:)

Liz stared back at Red with tortured eyes. He’d sworn he never wanted to see such anguish on her lovely face again, like the day he told her he wanted a divorce. And yet now, it was ten times worse. She was so fragile, so utterly destroyed that he feared she would never trust him again. What if he lost her? What if he’d been granted a miracle, only to lose her again in the end?

“I’m scared,” she said in a hoarse, heart wrenching voice. “I’m sick at heart.”

She pulled from him and turned away. The rejection knotted his stomach. This was how she felt. The day he told her it was over. This was how she had to have felt. Like the world was crashing down around her and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do.

It hurt him that he’d hurt her-had hurt her for so long. He would protect her from those memories if he could, but he couldn’t. His time was up.

He reached out to touch her hair and let his hand drift down to her shoulder. She flinched but he didn’t draw away. He couldn’t. He wanted no distance between them. He refused to accept that he may still lose her after getting back everything he’d ever wanted.

“Lizzie…Look at me please,” he whispered.

For a long moment she hesitated, and then she finally turned, her eyes lowered. He rubbed his thumb over her jaw and chin until she raised her gaze to meet his.

“I love you. I want you. I want us.”

She swallowed and raised a shaking hand to wipe at the corner of her eye.

“I want that too, Red. So damn badly.”

He closed his eyes and offered up a silent prayer to whatever deity that had a hand in him getting this chance. He held her tightly, shaking with emotion, with relief.

“Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

She just nodded and stood. He had one more thing to do before they could go. “I’ll just go tell Dembe that we’re going so he won’t wonder and worry.”

He walked back to Dembe’s room and knocked on the door. Dembe answered, not quite masking the sour look on his face. Red knew that he had a lot to make up for, and not just with Lizzie. Time. He just needed time.

“We’re going to head to the house now.”

Dembe frowned “Does Elizabeth want to go?” Red had no right to feel angry that his friend, his brother was looking out for his wife. Considering what Dembe had learned that night, it was a very valid question.

“Yeah, we’re going to…I’m going to fix this. I’m so sorry, brother. It wasn’t you I didn’t trust, it was myself. I messed up. Bad. I’m going to fix this. For everyone. Thank you so much for being there for her. For me. I love you, brother.”

Dembe was never one to hold grudges. He reached forward and enveloped him into a tight hug. Red squeezed back, relieved.

 

They silently held hands as they slowly made their way back to the house. His mind was racing with everything that he was going to do, to say, to make things right once and for all. He wished that he could hear what she was thinking.

He couldn’t help but pull her close to hold her and kiss her temple, the top of her head.

When she finally spoke, he wanted to fall to his knees and weep, for they were the words that he’d despaired to never hear again.

“I love you, Red. I want this life, with you. I want our daughter to know you. To see you every day, if possible. But if you ever accuse me of cheating on you again I will take my daughter and disappear. I deserve better than that.”

His heart was breaking by the end of her speech. Her voice had hardened to steel. He had no doubts that she would find a way to leave. It would kill him if it ever came to that. “I’m so sorry. I was so angry and that is absolutely no excuse. I hated myself and wanted you to hate me just as much to justify it. /it makes no sense. I never thought that you had betrayed me with Dembe. Grief and fury makes monsters of us. I will never be that man again and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Proving that I am a worthy husband and father for our daughter.”

She reached forward and hugged him, the first real contact that she had initiated since he woke to find her missing.

He was determined to make this right. His entire life depended on it.

Suddenly, he stiffened, his entire body tense. Off in the distance, he noticed that someone was walking the property with a flashlight. It wasn’t his security team because they would never give their positions away with a light unless something was wrong.

“Lizzie, we need to move, now. There’s a security breach.” He whispered harshly.

“Oh, god.” She was instantly tense. Alarmed. “No!”

Pain exploded in his head, and he vaguely registered the smell of blood before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. A decision is made. A mystery is solved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I’m sorry…for the most part. This is just how it played out. Thank you so much for taking the time to review, I love hearing from you!!
> 
> Disclaimed, as always.

Red slumped to the ground with a thud. She tried to hold on to him, but it was no use, she just fell to her knees with him.

The figure in black that had hit Red yanked her to her feet, the pop as her shoulder dislocated and her accompanying scream pierced through the silence of the night.

His hand was quick to cover her mouth and brandish a weapon. “One more sound and I’ll kill your baby.” The metal gouged into her abdomen painfully.

“Move, someone’s expecting you.”

So she followed, him, hoping that they would go towards the house and she could find someone or leave a sign to make sure someone took care of Red.

It was so dark, but there had to be considerable damage for him to be out so quickly. They veered off towards the ocean, avoiding the immediate yard around the house entirely, the lights of the structure faded away as they moved, and her hope did the same.

She closed her eyes as despair fell over her. While she’d been held captive, she’d waited for Red. She knew that he would find a way to save her. Even after she’d thought he was dead, she held a small kernel of hope that one of his associates would come looking for him and save her. Now she had no such hope. There was no way for him to know what had happened to her. He may not even be alive if that bastard hit him hard enough, or if no one found him and treated him in time.

A sense of calm descended, washing away the paralyzing fear and panic. It was up to her to save herself and her daughter.

_No one can save you now but you._

The words drifted back to her. She’d thought them to herself just a short time ago. How prophetic they’d turned out to be.

Red couldn’t help her now. Dembe had no idea they’d run into trouble. She had only herself.

She’d gathered her broken memories of her training from the FBI. She studied the man in front of her, attempting to glean any information she could. She was worried about her arm. It was most definitely dislocated and useless. She would be hindered by the lack of use in her dominant arm.

They met up with another masked man, who’d barely spared her a glance, and kept walking towards the shore. The moonlight was bright enough that she could make out one more figure, waiting with an inflatable raft.

When they reached the boat, it was bigger than she had thought, with a large motor on the back. She had no idea where they could be taking her. There were other, larger islands nearby, and the mainland wasn’t too far to travel by a motor boat. The possibilities were endless as far as destinations.

The silent man that joined them paused before she could get inside. He whipped his mask off and she gasped.

“Hey, babe.”

She knew him. Images of him fluttered through her mind as if she had pulled a file out and was reviewing her past. This man was her husband. She married him. But he hit her. He ran her down in a warehouse. They violently fought in their house. He held a gun to her head.

“What do you want from me Tom?” she said, proud that her voice lacked the fear that was waiting to overwhelm her.

He grabbed her injured arm and laughed when she couldn’t contain her scream. “You are a hard woman to capture. I had you taken to the middle of a godforsaken jungle and you still managed to get taken by some feudal drug kingpin before I could come and kill you. I was distracted by some Germans, but no one will interrupt our playtime now.”

He was responsible for her original capture. He married her because Berlin paid him to.

She knew her thoughts and memories were a jumbled mess, but one thing was certain: she was going to kill this man tonight.

 

*****

 

“Raymond, Raymond!”

Red came awake in an instant, every instinct screaming at him that something was terribly wrong. He glanced around to see Dembe at his side, shining a light in his face. He raised a hand to shield his eyes from the glare.

“What happened to you?” Dembe demanded.

The realization slammed into him with the force of a wrecking ball.

“Lizzie,” Red rasped. “He took her.”

Red hauled himself to his feet and grabbed onto Dembe’s shoulder when he wobbled. Christ, he didn’t have time for this.

“He took her. I saw a light in the distance and all I got out was a sentence or two to her to move to the house, but then I was hit from behind.”

Dembe looked in every direction around them. “They didn’t come by chopper. I thought I heard a boat, but I wasn’t sure. It’s what brought me out here to investigate when I found you.”

Dembe ran to the house ahead of Red to grab a radio. By the time Red reached the house, Dembe was barking orders to raise a search party. They had to move quickly. If they reached open water, the chances of finding her were nonexistent.

Dembe tossed him a phone to get the ball moving on getting more boats in the water to search for her. They hadn’t the resources to mount a search on the water. His gut was churning like a volcano. Fear had him so tense that it was hard to move.

He closed his eyes as he waited for the voice on the other end to answer.

_I’m coming, sweetheart. Hold on. I’ll get to you, I swear it. Just hang on. For me. For us._

Someone had taken her, again. This time she was ripped from his own arms.

Her life depended on him figuring out how to find her.

God help them all when he did.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie fights back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews. I do so love hearing from you all! You guys are rock stars. I’m a bit worried about this chapter, I feel that it’s a little bit disjointed, and nowhere near happy with it, but I am committed to posting on time. 
> 
> Disclaimed, I own nothing and make no money.

She held her arm close to her body, trying to keep it as immobilized as possible. Vicious pain shot through her with every movement. She stayed close to the man that had hit Red and broken her arm.

Her plan was vague, but it didn’t really matter; she was seventy percent sure she was going to die in the attempt. Her arm was useless and had no idea if she could even position herself to carry it out to begin with, let alone succeed.

“Don’t worry, we’re not going far, babe. You see, I was paid to kill the wife of Red Reddington. When I took the job, swore on my life I would pay him back by stealing the one person he loved enough to marry. Little did I know, that person was you. Halfway into planning, I decided that I wasn’t ready for you to die, so I had staged your death and planned to keep you in the jungle and we could live together, start a family. I hated that you’d married Reddington and actually got pregnant with his baby. I would have looked past that though, for you.

“But that can’t be anymore. I’m going to be a father. Gina, she’s pregnant with a baby that’s actually mine. She’s pregnant and my employer is holding her until I complete my task. I can’t abandon my child. So I am going to put a bullet in your head. There won’t be a body though. Another thing that my employer wants is for Red to suffer. So we chummed the water and the area sharks will make sure that no evidence is ever found. You won’t feel it though, I’ll put a bullet in your temple first. I will make it as painless as possible. ”

Her whimper of distress made him bring a hand up to rub over her back, as if comforting her. Sickened, she lunged away from him but with little room, she just stumbled to the bottom of the small craft. How could he be so disconnected? He spoke of living happily ever after with her and then of killing her within the same emotionless breath. He was psychotic.

Oh god. She had to breath deep to tamper down the bile as it rose. She could feel her vision blurring with tears and panic. She couldn’t see a way out of this. She had no clear way to keep her baby safe.

She was out of time.

After she stumbled to her knees, one of them bent over her to help her back up, but she turned so she was facing him. It was Tom. Good.

She put her good arm around him, pretending to hold on in an effort to stand. Over the sound of the motor and waves, she whispered “Good bye, I’m sorry you’ll never be a father.”

His head jerked back, surprised. “What makes you think that?”

She knew he only saw what he wanted to see. He saw her as trapped with no way out, but he underestimated just how desperate she was to save her daughter and return to her husband.

With her body pressed closely to his, she said “Because you are going to die so that my family can live.”

She fired two shots into his chest with the gun she’d taken from his belt. The warmth of his blood washing over her was a shock, but she immediately aimed her gun at his two helpers.

They hadn’t fired yet, she knew they wouldn’t want to risk putting holes in their transportation through the water.

She could only see their outlines in the moonlight, but using Tom’s body as a shield, she fired at them until the clip was empty. They fired a few shots in her direction, but the body on top of her jerked as it absorbed the bullets. It wasn’t Tom, it was the empty husk of a man that tried to kill her and her baby.

She peeked around him, shoved his weight off of her. Both of the men were down, the one that hit Red, the taller one, he was still groaning but wasn’t moving. The other was down with no sign of life.

The shock of cold water in her hair brought her to her new reality. The boat was taking on water. She scrambled to the motor, turned the boat around. She had to move quickly or they were dead anyways.

Shock, fear, one of them made her numb enough to move without pain.

The water crept up her feet to her legs and she knew she would never make it back to the shore on time. Setting the direction towards what she hoped was the shore they left from, she turned back to the men. She needed to get rid of their weight and if there really were sharks, those were going to be a problem.

She bent to one of the bodies and found a knife in his belt. She tried to drag them over the edge, but it was no use. Her arm was useless and she just didn’t have the strength without it.

She was going to have to make a mess of them and try to keep the focus of whatever was in the water off of her.

She slit every pulse point she could reach on each of the men. Blood was everywhere. Hopefully, it would create enough of a frenzy to divert them.

The downside to her plan was that she was going to have to stay in the boat until she could get a body out into the water. If she jumped into the water first and alone, there was no way they wouldn’t be drawn to her.

Tears were running down her face as the water crept higher on her legs and the boat slowed to a crawl. Terror made her movements jerky, disjointed.

Her thoughts drifted to Red and how worried he’d be. She was so damned sorry that she wasted a second being upset with him.

She loved him so much.

The boat stopped, her footing lost as the boat began to wrinkle and fold around her.

Tearing through the emergency kit by the motor, she screamed in triumph when she found a flare gun. No flares though. The chamber look loaded, but the lighting was too dim to tell.

She held her arm into the air and squeezed the trigger, relieved when the blinding flare lit up the sky around her.  

The good news was that she could see land and it wasn’t as far as she’d thought. The bad news was that what she had assumed were waves hitting the boat, weren’t really waves at all.

 

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think if you have a spare moment:)


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz does everything she can to make it back to shore alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It's been so long for an update! I will try to begin posting regularly again. Life has been...trying lately. Thank you for sticking with it.

She was going to die. When the flare exploded with a blinding pinkish-red light high above her in the sky, she could clearly see that the water was teeming with sharks, their fins sticking out of the water a macabre picture of terror.

The boat was sinking, she was stumbling everywhere from lack of support and it wouldn't be long before the sharks would reach her.

She tried once again to push the dead bodies and was relieved beyond measure that the bodies rolled easily towards the edge of what was a barely floating PVC piece of trash. The weight of the motor was dragging the one end of the boat drastically down.

There was a high pitched noise breaking through the sounds of splashing and waves and she nearly laughed maniacally when she realized it was her crying in hysteria. With every panicked breath, she let loose a breathy, keening cry and she hadn't even noticed.

She knew her chances of survival were nonexistent, but she had to try.

One by one, she stumbled around to drag the bodies to the fray, then shoved them into the waiting frenzy. She was almost yanked in with the last one, but managed to fall away from the chaos with a shriek. She regretted watching every single move and show during shark week. In fact, if she lived through this, she was never getting into the ocean again.

She could only hope that the three bloody bodies were enough to distract them.

Red was running around for weapons and arguing with Mr. Kaplan while Dembe alerted every person on their payroll within a hundred mile radius of the island.

"I don't want to hear it Kate. I am going and I would appreciate it if you would come with me. She…she will most likely need medical care and you are the only person I trust with her right now. If she needs more than you feel comfortable with providing, then we'll take the chopper to the mainland. You and I will already be in the air."

He was losing his mind. His head ached, he was seeing at least double, but couldn't spare the time to count. His chest though, his chest felt as if someone had punched through is sternum and held his heart in a vice grip. He could barely breath through the pain, the only motivation to keep going was saving the two most important people in his world.

Mr. Kaplan knew that he was never going to stay here with ice on his head like an invalid while Lizzie was still out there. To even suggest it was ridiculous.

A shout had him whirling towards the source at the back of the house. The nearly floor to ceiling windows gave him the perfect view as the inky black sky lit up with an emergency flare.

He was out the door, feet pounding through the grass as he sprinted towards the light before anyone could stop him.

It was the rocky side of the island with very little beach area. He could make out a shape way out on the water that could or could not be a boat. By the time he'd reached a clear vantage point, the flare had died out, leaving a trail of smoke through the sky.

"Damnit." He cursed before making his way back towards the house, meeting Dembe halfway.

"Boat. Now," he said breathlessly. It was all he could make out while running. The chopper may be faster, but they would alert Lizzie's kidnappers of their presence immediately

The boat was docked on the other side of the island. The rocks and cliffs making it near impossible to safely moor a boat on the side of the island where the flare exploded.

If they left by boat, it didn't have a very large motor, which led him to believe that they weren't planning on going far. A neighboring island maybe? A larger craft would have been louder and easily detected. It had to have been military grade to be quiet enough to avoid detection.

Although the waves on the rocks could have very well swallowed the sound easily enough.

He was out of his mind with worry. Thinking of anything, even attempting to discern what type of boat they could have used, kept his mind from being overwhelmed by thoughts of his wife, his daughter.

He had to save himself from the deadly path of his thoughts, which had immediately turned dangerous. Because of history ended up repeating itself, Dembe would be adding one more funeral to the list.

Once in the boat, medical supplies and Mr. Kaplan included, they rushed towards the direction the flare had been sent from.

As they neared, there was no boat to be found. They would just continue in that direction, searching for signs as to where they went. The water was so vast, so dark, that their only chances were to catch a glint in the moonlight. They had search lights, but those only would reach so far.

Red swiveled to look at Dembe as he slowed the boat to a near stop.

"Why are you stopping? We can see that they aren't here. Keep going." He said, desperation bleeding into his tone.

Dembe's face was blank. Too blank as he replied "Raymond. Look."

His head pounded as he quickly looked towards the water. He took over the searchlight, pointing it in the water before them.

Debris. The water was full of debris. He leaned over the edge to pick up one of the smaller pieces, but jerked away as a shark grabbed the item right from his hand " _Fuck!"_

His heart pounding from the miss, he moved the light in the direction of the shark. Or sharks, he supposed. There had to have been at least a dozen of them. Not too big, none over four or five feet long, but that fact didn't make them any less deadly.

"Dembe, help me."

There were pieces of…people, in the water. He moaned as his gaze frantically covered the area they were in. Dembe reached the edge while Mr. Kaplan took over the wheel, turning them as slowly as possible so they could search in every direction.

Nothing. There was no living thing in the water, save for the soulless fish dining on the remains of everyone on that boat.

Light-headed, he fell to his knees. Chest bursting with grief, he screamed until he couldn't breathe. Dembe's arms came around him as if he could keep him from falling apart.

They were dead.

Once again, he was responsible for the deaths of his wife and daughter. Vision blurred, his gorge rising, he pulled from Dembe and raced to the edge to vomit into the sea.

He leaned against the inside wall, knees to his chest as tears fell unchecked down his cheeks. The rocking of a boat on the water was always so calming. But there was no inner peace for him then. His insides were awash with pain and turmoil, and he was more than certain that he'd never find that calm ever again.

The constant sway of the waves and the hum of the motor were the only company to the silent grief of the trio.

He knew that Dembe and Mr. Kaplan were already making plans to hide all of the sharp objects when they returned. He couldn't bring himself to care. His destiny was already set in stone.

Until a shrieking ringing noise shattered the oppressive silence. They glanced at each other in confusion, trying to discern the source of the noise.

Finally, after realizing that it was him who was in fact ringing, Dembe reached into his pocket to pull out his phone.

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for being such lovely creatures! If you have a moment, let me know what you think!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz tries to find her way back to Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RL has been insane. Thank you so much for sticking with this and there will be consistent updates until the end. Swear. *crosses fingers*

She wasted no time jumping in the opposite direction towards shore. She screamed when her leg was bumped, waited for the pain of being bitten, but it never came.

It didn’t take long for her to get tired out, nowhere near the shore. Swimming with one arm was exponentially more difficult than she imagined. Thankfully, she was far enough away that she could no longer hear the sound of ripping and chomping at flesh. The only splashes she heard were her frozen limbs flailing in the water.

Water lapped up over her face, and she struggled to keep her head above water. So she turned to her back, mostly floating, striking out intermittently with her good arm, but mainly utilizing her legs to propel her towards the shore. Thoughts of finding Red, having a family and a future with him were the only things that prevented her from rolling back over and letting the water take her.

Her teeth were chattering, but truthfully, she was numb to her toes.

When her feet and legs finally hit something solid, she sobbed with relief.

It was short lived, as she slipped below the surface again and again as she slipped on the rocks. Every single movement towards the shore sent tears of agony coursing down her cheeks.

She gave up on trying to stand and crawled, one armed, up the shore.

Once out of the water, she leaned her forehead against a rock and sucked in painful, short breaths. Her broken arm sagged against her.

She had to get up, get to the house. She was too cold from the water and if her core temperature dropped into hypothermia, it would harm their baby. She wanted to just lay and wait for rescue, but couldn’t risk it because she had no idea if she was still in danger.

She needed Red. She needed to fall into his arms and tell him how stupid she was and that she didn’t care if she never remembered anything else. That all she wanted was to be whole again, to be a family. To hold on to him and never let go.

Almost dying and being consumed by sharks is quite effective at putting priorities into perspective. She hoped that he would forgive her for her foolishness. Life was entirely too short to not cherish every single day. She had lost that belief temporarily, but she wouldn’t never let it happen again.

With every movement she wanted to scream in pain and frustration. What if there were more of Tom’s men on the island. How had they slipped past security? What if one or more of Red’s team was compromised?

She was surprised at how easy it was to follow a profiler’s train of thoughts. How quickly she remembered. It was those very thoughts that prevented her from yelling for help.

She refused to facilitate her own death after making it through her last ordeal.

Once standing, she swayed like a drunk, tried to keep her footing. She lurched towards the smallest incline along the water. There was no way could handle a huge climb after all of that. She was fading fast.

Each step towards the house took a ridiculous amount of concentration.

As she reached the patio door nearest to her, her legs buckled and she fell to her knees. Nausea rose sharp, swelling hard in her stomach until she gagged and heaved. She tried the door, but it was locked.

Struggling to keep what little composure she had left, she planted her fist on the concrete and forced herself back to her feet. She was too close to give up now.

Lights were on in every room, it seemed, as she stumbled to find the next entrance. There were many, she knew that. She hurried to the front door and started to weep in earnest when she found it unlocked.

“Red! Red!...Dembe!” she yelled as she slammed the door shut.

Silence greeted her exclamation.

She went from room to room, only to find them all empty. She had no idea how long it had been since they had been attacked. Dembe would be with Red, so would Mr. Kaplan. Everyone else must be out looking for her.

Fear swamped her as she thought about someone on Red’s team being a traitor. How had they know when to strike? Were they here? Out looking to fool everyone?

Panic billowing through her like flash fire, she ran from room to room, turning off every light until the entire house was plunged into darkness.

A phone. She needed a phone.

She grabbed a cell phone from a desk drawer in the library and headed for the upstairs. There were lots of places to hide up there.

When she found the darkest, smallest corner in a tiny linen closet of a bedroom that wasn’t hers, she sank to the floor desperate to remember a familiar phone number.

 

*****

 

“Hello?” Dembe’s calm tone belied the tense set of his shoulders. Red knew that Dembe grieved for Lizzie as well and ached to take action against someone for her death.

He knew that vengeance would be running through his veins had he a reason to continue on. He turned a deaf ear to the conversation taking place. It was probably just a member of security checking in and stating that they hadn’t found any traces of her. They never would.

Dembe grabbed the radio to check in with the others out searching. The glaring confirmation of no news was all he needed to hear. But Dembe’s face was a thundercloud, causing Red to feel like he’d missed something.

“We’re coming,” Dembe said into the phone still held against his ear. “I can’t understand you. Hold on.” He threw the phone down in frustration after apparently receiving no reply.

Dembe rushed to the controls and Red was thrown to the side as he maneuvered them back towards the island at full throttle.

Red wasn’t ready to leave what was probably the last place his beloved was alive. “Go back!” he said and scrambled to his feet to stop Dembe from going any further.

Dembe shook his head “We need to get back to the house. There’s a problem, one of the guards just lied to me.”

Red shook his head to clear his thoughts and concentrate on something other than the anguish pumping through his veins. “How do you know he lied? Dembe?”

He hauled himself to his feet and steadily made his way to Dembe. He needed to his answer. Mr. Kaplan was right behind him. He’d forgotten she was even on the boat.

“Answer me,” he said. Dembe’s eyes glittered with rage…and happiness?

If that infuriating man didn’t answer him, he was going to punch him. Before he could even raise a fist, Dembe replied “She’s alive Raymond. Hysterical. Crying, but alive. At the house. And someone is after her.”

For the second time in as many hours, Red felt is vision go black.

 

**Tbc…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is much appreciated. Seriously. let me know.


End file.
